Penny Magazine

No. 001 - THE PENNY MAGAZINE - Mar. 31, 1832

A QUAINT SERMON.

MR. DODD was a minister who lived many years ago a few miles from Cambridge; and having several times been preaching against drunkenness, some of the Cambridge scholars (conscience, which is sharper than ten thousand witnesses, being their monitor) were very much offended, and thought he made reflections on them. Some little time after, Mr. Dodd was walking towards Cambridge, and met some of the gownsmen, who, as soon as they saw him at a distance, resolved to make some ridicule of him. As soon as he came up, they accosted him with, "Your servant, sir!" He replied, "Your servant, gentlemen.' They asked him if he had not been preaching very much against drunkenness of late? He answered in the affirmative. They then told him they had a favour to beg of him, and it was that he would preach a sermon to them there, from a text they should choose. He argued that it was an imposition, for a man ought to have some consideration before preaching. They said they would not put up with a denial. and insisted upon his preaching immediately (in a hollow tree which stood by the road side) from the word M.A.L.T. He then began, "Beloved, let me crave your attention. I am a little man—come at a short notice— to preach a short sermon—from a short text—to a thin congregation—in an unworthy pulpit. Beloved, my text is Malt. I cannot divide it into sentences, there being none; nor into words, there being but one; I must therefore, of necessity, divide it into letters, which I find in my text to be these four—M.A.L.T.

M—is	Moral.
A—is	Allegorical.
L—is	Literal.
T—is	Theological.

"The Moral, is to teach you rusticks good manners: therefore M—my Masters, A—All of you, L—Leave off, T—Tippling.

"The Allegorical is, when one thing is spoken of, and another meant. The thing spoken of is Malt. The thing meant is the spirit of Malt, which you rusticks make, M—your Meat, A—your Apparel, L—your Liberty, and T—your Trust.

"The Literal is, according to the letters, M—Much, A— Ale, L—Little, T—Trust.

"The Theological is, according to the effects it works—in some, M—Murder—in others, A—Adultery—in all, L— Looseness of Life, and in many, T—Treachery

"I shall conclude the subject, First, by way of exhortation. M—my Masters, A—All of you, L—Listen, T—To my Text. Second, by way of Caution. M—my Masters, A— All of you, L—Look for, T—the Truth. Third, by way of communicating the Truth, which is this—A Drunkard is the annoyance of modesty, the spoil of civility; the destruction of reason; the robber's parent; the alehouse's benefactor; his wife's sorrow, his children's trouble; his own shame; his neighbour's scoff, a walking swill-bowl; the picture of a beast; the monster of a man!"

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