Youth's Educator For Home And Society

CHAPTER IX.

PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS.– ENTERTAINMENTS DESIRABLE.

IT is useless for people to rail at parties, balls, and their accompaniments as vain displays of fashion and finery. They are far more; they are gatherings of the grave and the gay, the witty and the wise; a cementing together of all the varied elements which compose modern society into one symmetrical whole; an aid to the acquisition of that ease of manner which all wish to possess.

The pleasures which these entertainments introduce are lasting in their refining influence. Society is a school where a friendly rivalry brings out the finer feelings, and by attrition quickens the indolent or careless into action by observation and emulation.

The list of entertainments offered by society to its votaries is sufficiently extensive to embrace all ages, and all tastes.

THE KETTLE-DRUM.

Prominent among these is an informal affair called the "Kettle-dum," which as its name signifies, was originally an unpretentious affair, invented by the wives of officers in India, who being circumscribed in their social pleasures, invited each other to these small receptions, and served their rolls, coffee, sandwiches, etc., on the drum head. To preserve it in all its original simplicity, it should be held in the afternoon, the refreshments should be simple, and the dresses worn the same as at a reception. The ladies receive standing, but one of the ladies of the family or a friend pours the tea or coffee. Invitations are issued after this fashion:

MRS. LEONARD MILLER.

Kettle-drum,
March Seventeenth – 4 to 7.

The entertainment consists of music and conversation. Introduction's are not given, but every guest is expected to feel at perfect liberty to enjoy himself or herself.

FIVE O'CLOCK TEAS.

These teas are even more informal than the kettle-drum. Fewer guests are invited, and the cards of invitation sent out are merely a visiting card with the word "Five o'clock tea" added in the left-hand corner. Refreshments are not elaborate, and are served by the members of the family, unassisted by the servants.

A MUSICALE.

A musicale is rather a difficult entertainment, as its success depends wholly upon the artists whose names appear upon the programme. They are commonly held in the afternoon. It is not really a concert, for it has its social features, as a supper or collation is offered to the guests. Large rooms are necessary, so that singers and players can be heard to better advantage, and there will be no over-crowding on the part of the guests. All extra furniture should be removed, and drapery serves to weaken the effect.

Eleven pieces make a sufficiently long programme – and may be all vocal or instrumental and vocal combined.

A RUDENESS MANY ARE GUILTY OF.

A breach of good manners is committed when guests whisper, are restless, or exhibit weariness. If you do not love music enough to keep quiet, home is the proper place for you. The hostess should, however, see that the instrumental pieces are not too long.

THE PROGRAMMES.

The programmes should be printed on card-board, of good size, and are provided for the guests before the music commences.

The dress should be the same as at an afternoon reception, save that the bonnet and wrap are laid aside. A hot supper should be proffered the singers – it is not only thoughtful, but singers need nourishing food.

Invitations to any entertainment must be answered at once, that the hostess may know how many to expect, and fill the places of those who cannot be present.

THE LUNCH.

The "lunch" proper is entirely a ladies' affair, and gentlemen are not invited. The food is served in a very ceremonious manner, and the table is set with great elegance.

The dresses worn are rich and costly, and the forums observed are similar to those for dinners.

CROQUET, ETC.

Croquet, lawn-tennis and archery parties require no ceremony. Dresses must be simple, such as are comfortable and tasty for outdoor sport.

A lunch to which friends are asked to "drop in" is an easy-going meal. Refreshments are served cold. guests sit where they please, and if they come late it is not considered rude.

GENTLEMEN'S SUPPERS.

"Suppers" are gentlemen's parties, and are either wine suppers, fish suppers, or game suppers. They are attended only by men, whose powers of eating and drinking and telling stories must be immense. They are usually kept up till a late hour, and we feel certain that all good wives frown upon them.

THE EVENING PARTY.

The party held in the evening may be either very elaborate or more simple in its details, in keeping with the ambition and means of its giver. Having decided upon the amount of outlay, and selected the guests to be invited, invitations should be issued ten days previous to the party. This is a good form:

MR. AND MRS. JOHN MONTGOMERY
request the pleasure of your presence
on Wednesday evening,
January 4th, at eight o'clock.
16 Euclid Avenue.

Dancing at 10.

THE INVITATION.

This invitation should be engraved on small-sized note-paper, and may be forwarded by mail. The parents and all the younger members of the family should receive separate invitations.

A reply from those receiving invitations should be returned at once:

Mr. and Mrs. Horace Elliott accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. John Montgomery's invitation for January 4th.

19 Harrison St.

DECLINING AN INVITATION.

If it is necessary to decline an invitation it should be in the following terms:

Mr. and Mrs. Horace Elliott regret that they cannot accept Mr. and Mrs. John Montgomery's kind invitation for January 4th, owing to their being called away from home by sickness of relatives at a distance.

19 Harrison St:

NAMING YOUR REASONS.

It is absolutely necessary that you should name your reasons for declination, especially if the invitation be a first one. You should call on the friends who sent you the invitation, whether you attended the party or not, a few days after it has taken place. It is a social debt which you owe them.

INVITING HUSBAND AND WIFE.

When a husband is invited, the wife must be included, and vice versa. Either will resent an affront of this nature put upon the other. It is no excuse that you are not "much acquainted" or "do not like her." They both belong in the same circle, and it is your business to know and receive both together.

DANCING.

Dancing does not always form part of the entertainment at evening parties. There may be conversation, cards, games, or music alone provided. Where dancing does not constitute the main pleasure, these may also be added, for even in fashionable society, all do not dance.

WHEN TO ARRIVE.

The hour for arriving, as also for departure, should be moderately early. In this country, where nearly all are engaged in business, it is wise and proper to keep more, temperate hours than are kept by the leisure classes abroad, to whom night is nearly as day.

PROVIDING SUPPER.

A supper is always provided, and the arrangement of the table should be in good taste. Of the conduct at supper, we cannot do better than to quote from a well-known authority on matters of etiquette, who says:

"It is ill-bred to eat largely at the supper. To say nothing of the ruinous effect of gorging at late hours, it is in bad taste. The ball and evening party, are social affairs, and feasting merely incidental. To reverse the conditions is ill-bred. To drink to excess is worse than ill-bred, and even the temperate and total-abstinents will do well to talk and dance with extra caution after supper, as any license of speech or act may be attributed to the wine which has stolen away brain and self-control at the same time. No well-bred hostess can forgive any such abuse of her hospitality. When supper is announced at a ball, the . gentleman invites the ladies with whom he happens to be in conversation, or the lady with whom he has danced last, unless he sees that those whom he has escorted, are unattended, in which case his first duty is to them. If possible, he should be near enough to offer them his services at this time, but it is not always easy to anticipate the time. If a lady is attended by a chaperon, he must escort both. No lady is at liberty to refuse the escort of any gentleman to supper, no matter who attended her to the party, or what her preferences may be. It is not well-bred even to show any reluctance or hesitation. The place is too public and formal for the indulgence of any whims, and a general rush of gentlemen to join their respective parties, on the announcement of supper, would create unseemly and needless confusion. At the 'stand-up suppers,' which follow the English fashion, the escort must see that the ladies he attends are served before he refreshes himself, and no lady is at liberty to accept the attentions of any gentleman other than her escort to supper. If he neglects her, she must ask a servant for what she wants."

"Pink teas" or "dinners" being still popular and enjoyable, we will refer to them in passing. They are so called from the fact that all the table linen, dishes, ornaments, etc., are of one color – as "pink" or "blue," according as they are designated.

Young men sometimes commit the error of fancying that it is impolite to leave a young lady's side until some other gentleman engages her in conversation. Such an idea places both parties under restraint. It is good manners to excuse yourself and seek the society of another, after having shown some attentions to a lady. It gives her the opportunity of enjoying the conversation of several, and relieves her of the appearance of monopolizing.

Children's parties should be simple in character. Evening hours are not as healthful for the little folks as the afternoon hours. If the parties are held in the evening, the hours should be from 7 to 10, at the utmost.

Children enjoy these gatherings with all the strength of their fresh natures, and should have the gratification of being treated liberally to them.

Birthdays especially should be observed. Even in the house of mourning they may be kept up, for children should not be forced to share in a grief which they cannot understand.

Refreshments should be abundant, but not rich. Plenty of cakes, nuts, fruits, with lemonade, ices and coffee, are suitable. Cold chicken, roast beef sliced very thin, and made into delicate little sandwiches, are nice.

Do not forget the birthday cake, the crowning glory of the party. The child in whose honor the party is given, must cut the cake and serve it to the others, if he or she is old enough to know how to attend to it.

If not, the duty devolves upon an older sister, or the mother.

Dancing, games, and riddle-guessing are among the recreations. It is not expected that presents should be brought by the little guests, although it is often done.

A ball is usually a very elaborate affair. Dancing has become so generally acknowledged to be an innocent recreation, and is practiced so universally, that the etiquette of the ball-room demands a place here. Four musicians are ample provision for the musical part, and the largest room in the house should be used for the ball. It should be as barren of furniture as possible. Pictures and carpets should be removed, and only a row of chairs left standing against the wall for the use of the lookers-on,. and the tired dancers, when their partners lead them to a seat.

Invite your guests to a number that will prevent crowding, either on the part of the dancers, or those who look on. And endeavor to make up your company of those who approve of, and are fond of dancing.

Invitations to a ball are sent out about a week previous, so that guests may have time to decide on their dress. Do not wound the prejudices of those who are opposed to this form of enjoyment, by asking their presence.

There should be a dressing-room for the gentlemen.

Here a man-servant should be in readiness to take their hats, coats and canes and to show any attention required. The ladies' room must be provided with several glasses, brushes, combs, hair' pins and all the accessories of the toilet. A maid must be ready to assist the ladies.

After the ladies have adjusted their toilets, they rejoin their escorts, and proceed to the ball-room, and advance toward the hostess, and pay their respects in a few well-chosen words. The gentlemen then seek their host, and address words of greeting to him. The ladies and gentlemen are then free to walk about, indulge in snatches of conversation, or amuse themselves as best they can until dancing begins. A lady must always dance the first dance with her escort.

Some people imagine they are earning a reputation of being fashionable by appearing late at a ball or party. Not so. When guests arrive in season, a pleasanter evening is assured, and it shows a regard for the wishes of the hostess, who has named an hour at which she desires to receive her guests.

The duty of receiving the guests belongs to the hostess, but the host should always be at hand to assist her if needed. When there are sons in the family which is giving the ball, they should look after the interests of the young ladies, procuring them partners for the dances, and remembering that flirtations are out of place at that time. The daughters of the house must see that their friends are enjoying themselves, and not dance while other young ladies are neglected.

As introductions at balls are understood to be for the purpose of dancing, it is not necessary to recognize them afterward, though it is polite to bow.

Noisy talking is improper in a ball-room.

Never overlook or refuse to fill an engagement upon your card. It is unpardonable.

White gloves (kid of course) are worn. Light and very delicate shades are permitted, also. Gloves are removed from the hands at supper.

A married couple should not dance together more than once in an evening.

If a lady refuses to engage in a dance with a gentleman, unless her excuse is that she is previously engaged, do not accept another invitation for the same dance.

Do not enter the ball-room leaning on the arm of your escort. The lady enters first, the gentleman closely following.

In asking a lady to dance, the correct form is – "May I have the pleasure of the next waltz (cotillon) with you?" If accepted, he should enter her name on his card, and his last name on hers.

When a gentleman's hands perspire, which cannot be helped, often, if there is any danger of his soiling his partner's dress, by contact with it in waltzing, it is an evidence of care which will be appreciated, for him to hold his handkerchief in his hand to shield the dress. No gentleman will encircle the waist of his partner for a waltz until the music begins, and as soon as it ceases, he removes his arm. We have seen a gentleman at the end of a round dance escort a lady to a seat, retaining his arm about her waist, but he was very verdant, or very ill-bred.

The German, being a dance in which no lady can refuse to dance with any gentleman present, is only adapted to private balls. It is a very beautiful and popular dance. A good leader is indispensable in this dance; whose familiarity with all the figures will insure success.

Dancing is almost as old as the world. The oldest records of the race, sacred and profane, allude to it. In most ancient nations it was part of their religious rites. The primitive Christians certainly danced at their religious meetings. Aristotle ranked dancing with poetry, and Socrates took pains to learn the art. The Spartans passed a law requiring parents to train their children in dancing after the age of five years. The modern dances practiced for amusement are, however, much quieter and less exciting than the old dances associated with religion and war.