Youth's Educator For Home And Society

CHAPTER VIII.

GOING INTO SOCIETY.

EVERY young lady and young gentleman if blessed with a warm social nature, look forward eagerly to the period of entering society. By entering society they acquire polish, friends, and exchange of thoughts, and enlarge their sphere of usefulness.

SCHOOL-GIRLS SHOULD NOT ENTER SOCIETY.

No girl should make her debut while she is attending school. It is impossible for her to do justice to herself, with a divided heart. She cannot keep her mind upon those studies which require her entire attention, and attend to the demands of the social circle, which are exceedingly exacting. Another injury is done to society itself, which thus receives a class of immature and half-trained girls whose ideas are crude, and their manners are apt to be free; they are thus' anything but ornaments of that society which they have entered.

WHAT AGE TO MAKE A DEBUT.

The proper age for a young girl to be presented to society is when she has left school, and when her mind is in a measure prepared for the ordeal. This age is from eighteen to twenty. It is made known by the mother, who announces to the social world the fact that her daughter is a new candidate for social honors, by calling with her elder and unmarried daughter (if there be one in the family), upon all whom she desires to present her daughter to; or she leaves their own and the father's and mother's cards with those whom they design inviting.

Up to this time the intended debutante has never appeared at any gatherings outside her father's house, nor at any but informal ones there, such as birthdays, christenings, etc.

Invitations to the event are issued about ten days before it is to take place, and are in the following form:

MR. AND MRS. WELLINGTON
request the pleasure of presenting
their eldest (or second, or third) daughter
Miss MABEL
to Mr. and Mrs. David Prentice
on Wednesday evening, at eight o'clock.
No. 20 Honore St.

Dancing at ten.

The party receiving the invitation should at once accept or decline.

If there are several young ladies in a family, they receive an invitation addressed to "The Misses – " but each young gentleman receives a separate invitation.

SENDING FLOWERS.

It is in good taste for near friends who choose, to send flowers to the house on the morning of the party day; but it is not absolutely required, and you can orbit this compliment, without giving offense.

HOW THE DEBUTANTE' SHOULD DRESS.

The dress. of the young debutante must be simple and tasteful. For the first time in her life she wears a dress with a train. It should be of white tulle or plain white silk, and fresh flowers should be her only ornaments.

SHE MAY DANCE.

On this particular occasion she is privileged to dance, even though others are slighted. She can give herself up to the fullest enjoyment, for. she stands in the position of the favored guest, 'for this one evening, and her claims are paramount.

During the reception, she stands at the left of her mother. Gentlemen are presented to her, but she is presented to her elders and to ladies. The exchange of courtesies may be brief, thus giving an opportunity for each guest to congratulate her.

WHO ESCORTS HER TO SUPPER

When supper is announced, a brother escorts the debutante to the table, the father follows with the most distinguished lady of the party, and the young daughter is seated upon the right of her father. If she has no brother, the father accompanies her to the supper-room, while the mother follows with the most honored of the gentlemen present.

On the night of her entree into society, the gentleman who has the honor of the first dance with her, is selected by the mother, and is usually a relative or intimate friend.

During her first season she does not attend parties without a chaperone., or make any calls unaccompanied by her mother.

THE DUTIES DEVOLVING UPON THE DEBUTANTE.

Having fairly been launched upon society, it is the duty of the young lady to make the most of her opportunities. Society is not a conglomeration of frivolous people with neither solidity nor sense, but it is a communion of minds, a gathering together of the bright, the witty, the intellectual, as well as the trifling. Of these various factors, the polish and culture which results from attrition, leads to a blending of the whole, brightening daily life.

Once out upon this current, there is much to be avoided, and much to be cultivated. First, then, remember, that merely fashionable life, showy gatherings, gay company, where the heart is left out of the catalogue, and hollow professions take its place, is not good society. We would say to the young girl, you are in good society when your companions of either sex are pure, true, natural; when the young gentlemen you know are manly, frank, trustworthy; when there is no miserable pretense of goodness, but a fresh, wholesome, honest nature, unsullied by vices the young man of the period thinks necessary to affect; when the girls you choose for friends are truehearted and simple; who are not vain and silly; who have an idea in their head beyond flirting and gay dress. Do not accept as a friend a girl who does not .trust and honor her parents. Such an one can never be true in any relation of life which she assumes.

CALLING AFTER THE PARTY.

The ceremonious calls which follow the party include the young lady, but during her first season she has no card of her own, does not call alone, nor does she receive gentlemen without her mother's presence or a chaperon.

Avoid dressing flashily. It is desirable to be known as a lady who never offends good taste by glaring colors or ill-fitting garments.

A young girl's conversation should be free from gossip and envy. And she should never sanction disparaging remarks about an absent friend.

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.

A respectful demeanor toward the aged is a peculiar charm in a young lady. Never call attention to any peculiarities others may possess. Do not make jokes at their expense, for the purpose of establishing a reputation for cheap wit. A young girl should 'guard her language well. Sharp sayings and sarcastic repartee come with very disagreeable effect from her lips.

A true lady will always repulse familiarity or rudeness, either of speech or manner.

THE ADVENT IN SOCIETY OF THE ELDEST SON.

In England the eldest son first enters society on the day he attains his majority, and much prominence is given to the event, But in this country very little formality is observed. His first steps in this direction are taken by escorting his mother and sisters to parties, balls and visits. He thus becomes, through observation, fitted to assume all the obligations which society imposes upon him. In England, on, the contrary, the eldest son enters society only upon attaining his majority, and great rejoicing is had over the event.

When a young lady is asked to sing or play in company, she should never be in too great haste to do so, nor should she be urged a long time. In the first place, she will be thought too anxious to display her accomplishments, and in the second people grow so weary of importuning that they do not enjoy her attempt. There is a happy medium between the two. Respond pleasantly, and do not sing or play but one air at a time. If your auditors really enjoy your efforts, you will soon be convinced of that fact'.

THE CARDS USED.

The first season of the young lady, it is proper that her name should appear on her cards as "Miss Ford," if she is the eldest unmarried daughter. But if she, have older sisters at home, she is "Miss Maude A. Ford." After her first season, she has a separate card, and is fairly entitled to all the privileges of the fascinating world of society.

Never be the last to leave a party if you can possibly avoid it. You should always thank your hostess for the pleasure the evening has afforded you.

EDUCATION A GREAT HELP.

Many accomplishments are necessary for the complete success of a young lady in society. She should of course have the groundwork of a good education. If she knows some French and German, so much the better. She should be able to play some musical instrument, although she need not be a "star" performer. She should use correct language, have a pleasant manner, sit and walk gracefully, and dance well. She should have a general knowledge of the rules governing polite society, and have a sufficient amount of self-control to enable her to conceal or repress her likes and dislikes. And above all, she should be neat and sensible in her dress, being something of an artist at the toilet.

DUTIES OF A YOUNG SOCIETY MAN.

The young man in society can, by many little attentions to others, place himself on record as an exponent of a true gentleman. He will never indulge in slang or pointed jokes, even though he is well acquainted with every member of the company in which he is.

He also shows a gentle deference for all, and seeks their comfort and convenience on all occasions.

MAKE YOURSELF AGREEABLE TO WOMEN.

We would remind the young man entering society that he should make it his constant endeavor to win the approbation of women. Their good opinion is absolutely necessary; and he will find that many a hint and many a word of encouragement will come from them unsolicited, if he will show himself quick to receive them.

Nearly all men, particularly the novice in society, are greatly at fault when it comes to the nice little shades of propriety, and they can best learn what is the correct thing to do, in many cases, from the gentler sex – perhaps from those who are to be regarded as wall-flowers. They will take interest in a bright, agreeable young man, and will help train him in the matter of etiquette.

LEARN OF OLDER PEOPLE.

When a young man has learned how to converse easily and unaffectedly with the old, he is sure of their good-will. There are many attentions which it is in their power to bestow, which cost them nothing, only the opportunity to put them in practice. The cheerful offer of a more eligible seat, a casual inquiry after their health, an interest shown in a subject that pleases them – all these are but trifles, and yet are productive of much good.

DO NOT SLIGHT ANYONE.

A gentleman in society is always ready to offer his services to ladies – he is especially attentive to those who are not gifted with much beauty or are not young. It may seem almost incredible, in this fast and rushing age, but there are old and middle-aged people whom it is a delight to talk to. It seems strange to young people, who very naturally prefer the friends near their own age, that any one who has outlived the "heyday of youth" can charm. From their conversation rich stores can be gathered. And it should be totally superfluous to remind young men and women of this fact were it not unfortunately true that so many are thoughtless and impolite to the elders.

COMPLIMENTS SUPERFLUOUS.

A young gentleman should not offer frivolous compliments. They have no meaning, and their insincerity is soon detected by the recipients. Honest praise is always agreeable, but not the fulsome flattery whose thin mask is so transparent.

EASE OF MANNER.

A young man should acquire an ease of manner, which will fit him for any station. This can be obtained by close observation, and the tact to adapt one's self to the occasion. Books will aid some in this direction, but contact with society will help far more. He should not confound civility with forwardness, a natural ease with an affected and stilted demeanor, and should not in his desire to be witty and genial, border on the familiar and coarse.

A choice of good companions should be made early. It is the easiest thing in the world to copy unconsciously, and therefore a young man's intimate friends should be men of superior minds, who will, by their dignified example, become models worthy of his imitation. Elegant manners are a means of refinement that are of great benefit to any one, and to a young man who expects to win his way in life, whether in a profession, or out of it, they are of the greatest consequence.

A word from an author whose judgment is unquestioned, is that "A man who does not solidly establish, and really deserve a character for truth, probity, good manners, and good morals, at his first setting out in the world, may deceive and shine like a meteor for a very short time, but will soon vanish and be extinguished with contempt."

DRESS TASTILY.

One thing we would impress upon the young man in society. Let your dress be as neat and tasty as is consistent with your means. But do not adopt loud and flashy colors. Wear nothing that is not paid for. In spending money, do not show a grudging, sordid spirit, but practice a proper economy. No one will blame you for that. Often young men are betrayed into larger expenditures than they can afford, from a fear that they will be' called "close."

ASSUMING AN AIR OF WEARINESS.

Do not assume a blase demeanor. No one likes a young man who affects to have drained the chalice of life, ere he has even sipped it. The greatest charm either man or woman can possess is that gay good nature and brilliant spirits that b long by right to youth. And the young man who tries to appear much older than he is in his life experiences, will certainly disenchant, rather than attract

PAY ATTENTION TO THOSE AROUND YOU.

A gentleman should pay some regard to those who are striving to interest him. It is a certain form of selfishness to be inattentive to what is being said, and will only awaken hostility in those around you. Attend strictly to the speaker, so that you may be in a position to answer properly the train of thought which he is indulging in.