Youth's Educator For Home And Society

CHAPTER VII.

INTRODUCTIONS.– WHAT AN INTRODUCTION SIGNIFIES.

AN introduction is virtually an assurance that the parties thus presented to each other are equals in point of desirability and reputation, and should on this account, be very sparingly given, for no one can foresee what the result of any acquaintance will be. It is very annoying, after you have thus made two people acquainted, to learn that one has "cut" the other in some public manner. It is a reflection upon your judgment and good intentions. It may prove, however, that one or the other learns something derogatory of which you were ignorant, thus still further adding to your mortification and dismay.

On this account we think there is a responsibility attached to the giving of introductions, which should not be assumed at random. It is better to err upon the side of being too careful, than not careful enough.

PERSONS MET AT A FRIENDS HOUSE USUALLY PROPER.

At the same time it is always to be assumed that such persons as you meet at a friend's house, are

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It is very true that "A disagreeable woman can always find reasons enough for being chilling and formal; a fine-tempered woman can always find reasons enough for being agreeable."

One should always acknowledge an introduction, even though you receive one to your greatest enemy, whom your host has unwittingly presented to you, and even though once outside the door you resume your old dislike; still, while he is the guest of your friend, you should treat him politely, nor disturb the harmony which should prevail.

Do not fancy because a lady, or gentleman does not recognize you the next time you meet, that it is their intention to ignore you. One who is much in society, sees so many people that it is impossible to remember all their faces, and many others are preoccupied and not designedly neglectful.

A "CUT" DIRECT.

A direct cut is seldom excusable. Never cut any one unless you have grave reasons for wishing to discontinue their acquaintance. Some ladies shrink from recognizing a poorly-dressed acquaintance, or one whom social position is not as good as their own. This feeling borders on snobbishness. At any rate it lowers the standard of right and wrong, and shows that you are deficient in Christian kindness.

INTRODUCTIONS.

A gentleman never refuses to bow respectfully to his servants on the street, and a lady should do the same. Her social standing must be far from firm, if she fears that she will compromise herself by such civilities. There is no reason why a lady should bow first.

The best way is for the one who sees the other first to bow, whether it be the lady or 'the gentleman

HOW A GENTLEMAN SALUTES.

When two ladies are walking together, and are met by a gentleman known to one of the ladies, he should raise his hat politely to both. Or if a lady is met by two gentlemen, one of whom she knows, it is usual for both gentlemen to bow to her.

When introductions take place, the name should be very distinctly pronounced. If you do not hear it plainly, it is well to say, "I beg pardon, but I did not quite catch the name." It prevents awkward mistakes afterward.

A WIFE INTRODUCING HER HUSBAND.

A wife should introduce her husband in the following manner: "This is my husband, Mr. Weston," and not "This is my husband." If he has a title she should add that, as "This is my husband, Judge Oswald." Some ladies feel delicate about this matter, but it is proper, as he thus acquires his correct status with strangers. A lady can always introduce the immediate members of her family, without a king permission to do so. She pays strangers a compliment by this attention.

In introducing any relative, the full name should be given, as "This is my cousin, Miss Mamie Morton," not "my cousin Mamie."

PRESENTING THE YOUNGER TO THE ELDER.

When there is a marked difference in age, the younger lady should be presented to the elder lady, unless a superiority exists in position, when the private and unknown lady should be presented to the famous one. A gentleman is .introduced to a lady. But as we have said elsewhere, it is unwise to be too ready to give introductions. It, would be all right could one be sure that such acquaintance would only lead to pleasant results.

MENTION THE TITLE.

Give a man his title. A clergyman should be addressed as the Rev. Mr. Blagden; a doctor of divinity, as "the Rev. Dr. Mather;" a member of Congress as "Honorable."

The usual form of introduction between equals in age or position, is "Miss Kay, this is Miss Patterson." "Mr. Noel, Mr. Beth."

DO NOT "SCRAPE ACQUAINTANCE."

No young lady of refinement will "scrape acquaintance," with one of the opposite sex. We cannot imagine an occasion where it is permissible. The origin of this term "scraping acquaintance" is not of a character calculated to inspire one with admiration, but it is as lofty as the act itself. This old ' proverb is handed down to us from the times of a very illustrious personage – the Roman Emperor, Adrian. OF course we do not vouch for it. It is related of him that he was at the public baths one day when he saw one of his veteran soldiers scraping his body with a tile. The emperor ordered that his old comrade in field and fray, should be supplied with better cleaning materials, and money.

But his goodness seemed likely to be abused, for on another occasion he found a score of old soldiers who had fought under him standing in the water, while each was currying himself with a tile and wincing at the pain inflicted.

The emperor perfectly understood the meaning of the sight; so he said to them –

"Ah, my fine fellows, you had better scrape one another; for," he added, "you certainly shall not scrape acquaintance with me!"

A young lady should not shake hands on being introduced. A modest bow is sufficient acknowledgment. This custom of hand-shaking, like many of our modern forms, is borrowed from the French. The impulsive warmth of their nature makes it natural for them to bestow a more hearty greeting than a mere nod, but Americans and English show more reserve with strangers.

At a second meeting two ladies may offer their hands, but ladies seldom extend their hands to gentlemen, save to their most intimate friends. A lady is at her best when she exhibits a modest and retiring manner.

On entering a parlor, if you are-not recognized by the lady of the house at once, recall yourself to her by mentioning your name.

The friend who is visiting at your house must be introduced to all callers, and they will in return, courteously inclined, pay all the attention in their power, such as inviting your guests to their house, planning little receptions, etc., during the period of their stay.

It is also part of your duty as a hostess, to make a party in their honor, either when they first arrive, so as to give them introductions to your friends, or on the evening previous to their departure, as a kindly farewell.

When friends meet in the street, and pause for a moment's conversation, it is unnecessary to introduce a companion you may have. But if you feel that you should, you can introduce them. Still, introductions of this nature do not compel either party to pursue the acquaintance, and a well-bred gentleman will not presume upon the opportunity thus 'given him by chance.

INTRODUCING VISITORS.

If several visitors call upon a lady at the same time, she does not present them to each other, but seeks to divide her time and attention equally among them, thus putting them at their ease; in return she expects that they will assist her by conversing with each other in a friendly way.

At afternoon teas, kettle-drums, and like gatherings, the hostess does not introduce at all, unless gentlemen are present.

All introductions given at a croquet or lawn-tennis party, or on a yachting excursion are merely for convenience, and do not involve after recognition, but to bow on meeting again, is only polite.

REQUESTING INTRODUCTIONS.

A gentlemen may with propriety request an introduction to a lady, at a party or ball, and should pay her some attention, but the acquaintance need go no farther, unless it is mutually desired.

It is very impertinent for a gentleman to join a lady in the street when she is walking with another gentleman; and it would lay him open to the charge of having some motive (most likely an interested one) in thus forcing himself' upon another man.

"It is clearly the duty of a hostess, at a ball or dancing-party, to endeavor to provide her guests with partners, and for that purpose she must, either make introductions herself or through the help of others. She must always ask permission before presenting a gentleman to a lady – permission which Should never be refused unless the lady has very good and strong reasons for declining to make the gentleman's acquaintance. Young men often present each other to young ladies, and it is entirely proper that they should do so if they have first asked leave. A, gentleman may also ask a lady, if he knows her well, to introduce him to another lady when a proper opportunity shall occur. Of course he could neither wish nor expect his friend to cross a crowded room with him to make the introduction; because she would then be left to make a bad third, or else to retrace her way alone; an awkward situation, except for one of the ladies of the house."

LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.

These should always be left unsealed. It is not expected that their bearers will examine their contents, still it is understood that they are known to them, and unless they are carefully worded. they would not be accepted.

A business letter of introduction is expressed in set terms, as —

Mr. ——

_________________

Dear Sir — I have the pleasure of introducing to you Mr.—— of —— Any favors you may extend to him will be appreciated by

Yours very truly,

Letters of introduction of a social nature should be written very carefully, and on the best of note paper, of a neat size, and with an envelope to match. A letter of this sort, commending the person introduced, should give his full name, the place of his residence, and should say as little as possible concerning the person introduced, and add that the acquaintance thus formed, would you are sure, be productive of mutual pleasure.

USE JUDGMENT IN GIVING LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.

Great discrimination should be exercised in giving letters of introduction. You become responsible for the good behavior of the one whom you introduce. You should never take the liberty of furnishing a letter of introduction only to a friend of long standing. Another thing to be considered in a social letter of introduction is whether the parties thus made acquainted, will prove congenial. If they do not, they may both end by blaming you.

INTRODUCING BY CARD.

Introductions may be made by card as well as by letter. The gentleman introducing the other writes upon the upper left hand corner of his own card the words "Introducing Mr.——," and incloses it with the card of the gentleman so named in an envelope of good quality, and of the fashionable style and size. The gentleman who receives a business letter of introduction is not bound to extend any courtesies of a social nature. The acquaintance is of a purely business sort, and may end in the store or office, unless he chooses it to be otherwise.

Etiquette declares that these rules shall be observed with unvarying exactness. Should the person introduced be a lady, she follows the same method of inclosing her card with that of the one introducing her, and sends it by mail or a messenger. The lady receiving these must call in person, or some member of her family must represent her. If she fails in this, she must send a special messenger explaining her reason. Three days are the limit allowed for a call to be made, and if not made by the expiration of that time, such an omission is an act of rudeness to the introducing party.

ATTENDING TO LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.

"A letter of introduction, received through the post, stating that an individual or family which the writer highly esteems, is about to locate near you, and asking your kindly attentions, must be answered immediately, with expressions of anxiety to be of service to the strangers so recommended. The person or family thus introduced should be called upon at the first opportunity. Such a request to call upon a stranger admits of no delay, and no after attentions can make amends for neglect."

The custom in Europe is for the person having the letter of introduction to make the first call. This is repugnant to our independent spirit, as it puts the bearer in the position of begging an acquaintance. We consider it in far better taste to send it by another source, and await its acceptance.

PAPER TO BE USED.

It may appear a trifling matter and not worthy of consideration whether a letter of introduction is written upon fine paper, well expressed, and neatly inclosed. Or whether its receipt is acknowledged promptly. But these details are of importance and their observance will determine your reputation as a. lady or a gentleman, and give you the opportunity of conferring the happiness upon others.