Youth's Educator For Home And Society

CHAPTER V.

SALUTATIONS.

THE manner in which a salutation is given, marks the lady or gentleman. It seems natural to all to make an outward acknowledgment of the presence of others, and to express the pleasure felt at the meeting, in some way that will be tangible.

In rude stages of society the salutation became an act of worship, and those forms crystallized, as civilization advanced, into something more elegant, and thus have become the common property of modern nations.

SALUTING IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.

Each country has its own peculiar forms, and all evince a warm, spontaneous interest in the welfare of those around.

Oriental peoples are very punctilious in their greetings. The Bedouin's salutation has all the tender grace of a blessing, as he places his right hand upon his breast, and bowing low, says: "If God wills it, you are well." The grave and stately Spaniard greets you with, "God be with you." The gentleman in Poland as he leaves you, touches his lips to your shoulder, and bids you to "Be ever- well." Men of distinction in Japan wear over their shoulder a scarf, the length of which determines their. rank. When two gentlemen meet, they bow until the ends of the scarf which each one wears, touches the ground. Of course the one with the shortest scarf has to bow the lowest. A Monbotto of Africa when he meets a friend, holds out the right hand, and cracks the joints of the middle fingers. Eskimos salute by rubbing noses together. But probably the most startling mode of salutation is that of the Moors, who greet a stranger by dashing toward him at full speed as if to unhorse him, and when near, suddenly firing a pistol ever his head. One must be blessed with considerable presence of mind not to be alarmed at such an effusive greeting.

None of these methods, however proper in their own place, obtain here in America, where there are but three salutations – the bow, the kiss, and the verbal greeting.

While our own American gentleman lifts his hat as a token of recognition, foreigners content themselves with merely bowing.

A FRENCH ESTIMATE ON COURTESY

It is stated by some author that whie a Frenchman will forgive a debt, or a wrong, he will never overlook a lack of courtesy; also that he demands that the most profound outward respect shall be shown toward the ladies of his household, else possibly a duel may be precipitated.

THE BOW THE USUAL GREETING.

The bow is one of the simplest observances in society, but it is so universally practiced that it be.comes a test of good manners, according to the ease and grace given to it.

We bow to the old, the young, the rich, the poor, to our friends and to those to whom we are indifferent, and each one of these salutes can be shaded so nicely, that to an observant eye, they have a distinct significance of their own.

The mere act of bowing does not suppose an intimate acquaintance. It is simply an outward expression of the politeness current in good society.

RETURN A GREETING IN KIND.

You should always return a bow, even though you do not recognize the person bowing to you. It is probable that you have been mistaken for another person, and it is ill-bred not to acknowledge the salute. If it should prove that he does know you, by not bowing in answer to him, it is an admission that he has passed from your mind, which is inexcusable neglect.

The French have a custom of uncovering their heads, when a funeral procession is passing – a very generous tribute of respect to the mourning friends.

COUNTRY CUSTOMS.

In the country, and in small towns, also, a very pleasant custom prevails, of bowing to all whom you meet. It makes a stranger fell almost "at home."

"WHO SHALL BOW FIRST!"

There are innumerable opinions with reference to the proper answer to the question – "Who shall bow first; the lady or the gentleman?" A writer says on this point:

"The bow as a rule means recognition, and not simply deference and respect, and in America, between merely formal acquaintances, it is the privilege of the lady to offer the recognition and the duty of the gentleman to accept it. In France and on the Continent generally, this is reversed, and no lady will acknowledge the acquaintance of a gentleman unless he first bows his recognition.

"In England, the lady is expected to bow first, a custom doubtless growing out of the fact that introductions, given in the ball-room for the purposes of the. dance, are not titles to recognition afterward, while on the Continent they do constitute acquaintanceship. Here, no merely formal acquaintances have the right to change the recognition rule, but between intimate friends it is not material which bows first, the gentleman or the lady; indeed with well-bred people the recognition is oftenest simultaneous, the quick recognition of the eye preceding the formal salute. If the acquaintance is formal, the lady may be reserved or cordial in her salutation, and the gentleman must be responsive to her manner, claiming only as much as she offers. No lady will be capricious in her recognitions, now cool and now cordial, nor will she be demonstrative in her public greetings. She may refuse to recognize, for sufficient reasons, but a recognition offered must be fully polite. A conspicuously frigid salutation is an insult in the presence of strangers, which she has no right to inflict. A formal bow and faint smile, reserved but not discourteous, is all that a refined lady is permitted to offer on the promenade, the street, or in any public place, even to the most intimate friend, and the well-bred gentleman never criticises the dignity of her demeanor, because he knows she reserves her more cordial and friendly greetings for occasions where they may meet in the greater privacy of her own home, or at social gatherings at the invitation of common friends."

We think this covers the ground, conclusively showing that the lady may, and indeed should be the first to recognize the gentleman.

In riding or driving on a public promenade, you should bow ceremoniously the first time you meet friends, but content yourself with a smile or a slight nod after that.

No gentleman is guilty of smoking when walking or riding with a lady. It leaves the impression with others that she is of secondary,importance to his cigar.

A gentleman who is smoking upon tee street removes his cigar before bowing to a lady, and is very careful not to puff cigar smoke in the face of any passer-by.

In saluting a lady or an elderly gentleman, the hat must be lifted. With friends of his own sex, a bow, and a friendly word in passing, are sufficient on the part of a gentleman. But a smile should accompany every bow. The cold nod and unsmiling countenance are barely civil.

OFFERING THE HAND.

Another form of salutation is offering the hand. There are as many ways of shaking hands as there are people. No two touch the hands alike. One person puts a cold, clammy hand into yours, and the listless, indifferent manner chills you. The hand of another will glide into yours in such an insinuating fashion that you instinctively distrust its possessor. And still another offers you their hand in such a frank, open way that at once they inspire confidence. Such a person does not seize your hand as in a vise, or crush your fingers in his rude grasp, but cordially presses it, and then lets go your hand in a respectful manner. This is the hand-shake of a gentleman.

There is another sort of people who treat you to the "pump-handle" shake, up and down, which would be laughable, were it not so intensely disagreeable.

The hand should never be extended to those who are not intimate friends, and no young lady will offer her hand with the same freedom as does a married or an elderly lady.

Ball-room introductions do not call for this mode of recognition.

The mistress of the house should shake hands with her invited guests, or with a gentleman who is presented to her by an intimate friend.

Gentlemen wait for a lady to extend the hand first, and a younger person for the older one to make the first advance".

A lady or gentleman should always rise from their seat when offered the hand by anyone.

It is hospitable to shake hands with the parting guest, and invite them cordially to come again.

RECOGNIZE A SERVANT.

A gentleman may shake hands with a valued servant when he or she is about to quit their employ, without any lowering of their dignity.

SHAKING HANDS WITH GENTLEMEN.

Gentlemen should shake hands with each other, when introduced. An old gentleman may offer his hand to any lady. The glove need not be removed from a gentleman's hand, when greeting a lady. It was formerly usual to do so, but both custom and convenience sanction its retention. It is not good form to make an apology for the omission.

The most common forms of verbal salutation are "Good morning," "Good evening," "How are you!" "Are you quite well."' All these and many more may be used, varied to suit the occasion, but whatever form is adopted, it should be accompanied by a respectful manner. Undue familiarity is evidence of coarseness. Nicknames should not be used in public. Show others respect, and you will receive it in return.

KISSING PROMISCUOUSLY.

A greeting much in vogue in American and English families, is kissing. This is a reprehensible custom, and should not be tolerated in good society.

The kiss is the seal of pure and earnest love, and should never be exchanged save between nearest and dearest friends and relatives. Indeed, public sentiment and good taste decree that even among lovers it should not be so often indulged in as to cause any regret on the part of the lady should an engagement chance to be broken off.

KISSING GUESTS.

We have seen a family of children compelled to pass the ordeal of kissing every guest in a room when it was the hour for retiring. It is a senseless custom, and means nothing. If often creates disgust on both sides. Children do not like to kiss every one, and many adults are not fond of saluting the little ones in this manner.

LADIES KISSING EACH OTHER.

It is a foolish practice for ladies to kiss each other every time they meet, particularly on the street. It is positively vulgar, and a refined woman shrinks from any act which makes her conspicuous. It belongs rather to the period of "gush" natural to very young girls, and should be discouraged on physiological grounds, if no other. Many times a contagious disease has been conveyed in a kiss. Let promiscuous kissing then, be consigned to the tomb of oblivion.