CHAPTER XXV.

MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE.

ALTHOUGH the many branches of etiquette have been fully treated, there yet remain a few general hints which did not seem to come under the other heads. We have grouped these for easy reference:

When a "tale of woe" is poured into your ears, even though you cannot sympathize, do not wound by appearing indifferent. True politeness decrees that you shall listen patiently, and respond kindly.

If enemies meet at a friend's house, lay aside all appearance of animosity while there, and meet on courteous terms.

Do not introduce people in a public conveyance. It draws attention to a person and makes him unpleasantly conspicuous.

Take the precaution to insert the stopper in an ink bottle if you are called away while writing. You do not know what careless person may approach your desk, in your absence, and do your work irreparable damage.

If you secure an introduction for the purpose of asking a favor, you have no further claim upon that person's recognition after the business is transacted.

Take warning, and always be on time. Some people are always a little too late. Late in going to bed, late in getting up, in going to their daily work, at their meals, and in keeping their appointments. They may have business of importance to attend to, where thousands of dollars are at stake, and then they wait until the last train, and fail to catch even that. Just a little too late – that is all!

In introducing two gentlemen, address the elder, or superior, with "Allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. Hale, to you. Mr. Hale, Mr. Gordon."

Adapt yourself to the society in which you find yourself. If you feel sad or ill, and cannot shake it off, do not go into company. You have no right to sadden others.

When calling, do not enter into grave discussions. Trifling subjects are better.

Married men are relieved from the task of making calls of ceremony. The wife leaves her husband's card in lieu of a call.

It is vulgar to greet a friend by slapping him on the back, or playfully poking him in the ribs. No amount of intimacy makes it allowable.

Calls made upon the sick, should be returned as soon as health permits.

If you have a friend who has met reverses, and you desire to show your friendship by visiting her, do not go dressed expensively. Adapt your dress to her changed circumstances.

It is rude to turn a chair so that your back will be presented to anyone.

If you see a lady whom you do not know, unattended, and needing the assistance of a gentleman, offer your services to her at once. She will readily understand the gentle chivalry which prompts you, and will feel that by accepting your kindness, she does not place herself in a false light.

A young man can check vulgarity in his companions, if he so desires. It requires some moral courage. It is related of a group of young men, that one of them, being about to regale the rest with an improper story, suddenly paused, and said looking around, "Are there any ladies within hearing.?" "No," rang out the brave response, "but there are gentlemen here!" The reproof had its effect. The story remained untold.

Do not laugh at your own wit. Allow others to do that.

News that is not well vouched for, should not be repeated; else you may acquire the reputation of being unreliable.

In business, answer any question asked, even if it does not appear to benefit you personally. In the end, you will be the gainer, for you will be esteemed as an obliging gentleman.

In company, do not converse with another in a language that is not understood by the rest.

In entering a room, if you find the door open, leave it so. If closed, be particular to shut it after you.

Accompany your wife to the church of her choice.

If you belong to a different denomination from the one with which she communes, it is only fair that you take turns in attending the two houses of worship.

Do not take pride in offensively expressing yourself on every occasion, under the impression that you will be admired for your frankness. "Speaking your mind," says Jerrold, "is an extravagance which has ruined many a man."

If it becomes necessary to break a marriage engagement, it is best to do so by letter. The reasons for your course can be given much more clearly than in a personal interview. All presents, letters, etc., received, should accompany the letter announcing the termination of the engagement.

During a walk in the country, ascending a hill or walking on the bank of a stream, and the lady is fatigued, and sits upon the ground, do not seat your self by her, but remain standing until she is rested sufficiently to proceed.

When walking with a lady who has your arm, and you are about to cross a street, do not disengage your arm.

A host should see that he has no wall-flowers at a party or ball given in his home, by providing such ladies with partners, in an unobtrusive manner, so as not to wound their self-esteem.

Do not show undignified haste in whatever you have to do. Chesterfield said, "Whoever is in a hurry, shows that the thing he is about is too big for him."

In writing for publication, but one side of the sheet of paper must be written on.

Never refuse to accept an apology. Only ungenerous minds will do so. If one is due from you, make it unhesitatingly.

A dispute about religion is foolish. When it is known that there are fifteen hundred millions of people on the face of the earth, speaking 3,034 tongues, and possessing one thousand different religious beliefs, it will be easily seen that it is a hopeless task to harmonize them all.

In meeting a number of friends together, do not make a difference in the warmth of your salutation. To meet one with reserve and formality and another with great effusiveness, is ill-bred.

Do not grow fidgety and anxious to make your exit, if your friend with whom you call prolongs his stay longer than you desire to. Be composed at all times, and in all places.

If you hear of the misfortune of another,. do not rejoice. And never speak disparagingly of another. It will be charged to envy.

In calling upon the sick, do not inquire what medicine they are taking, and express your doubts of its efficacy. Nor ask what phyiscian is employed, and try to shake the patient's confidence in him. Above all, do not attempt to prescribe yourself. You are not there in the role of a doctor, but as a visitor.

When friends call on you, never look at your watch. It appears as if you were desirous that they should go.

Never pick the teeth, scratch the head, blow the nose, or clean your nails in company.

Never correct the pronunciation of a person publicly; nor any inaccuracy that may be made in a statement.

Never lend a borrowed book. Be equally particular to return one that has been loaned you, and accompany it with a note of thanks.

Do not be too familiar on short acquaintance. Nor presume to address them by the first name. This is a presumption which some people never forgive.

Do not ask the age of another, unless they are quite youthful. Some very sensible men and women are sensitive on this point. Whether it be considered silly or not, they have a right to keep their secret.

Do not pass between two persons who are talking together. Do not seat yourself in the place of one who has risen, unless you see that they have no intention of returning to the seat they vacated.

A lady has a right to omit whom she pleases from her entertainments. No one has a right to ask her reasons for such a course. Do not permit a gentleman to remove a bracelet from your arm, or a ring from your finger, for the purpose of examination. Take them off, and hand them to him.

A lady will not strike a gentleman with her handkerchief, or tap him with her fan.

Do not lean your head against a wall. You might soil the paper.

The hostess does not leave the room while visitors remain.

To introduce a person who is in anyway objectionable to a friend, is insulting.

Giggling, whispering, staring about, in church is a mark of ill-breeding.

Do not draw near the fire, when calling, unless invited. A lady can call on a gentleman in his room if he is a confirmed invalid, but in no other case.

When you are invited verbally to dinner, it means a very unceremonious affair, and plain dressing, with early hours.

Do not attempt to attend to the wants of a lady who already has an escort. It is a piece of impertinence to do so.

At a party consisting of gentlemen, the host is the master of ceremonies. He alone has the right to call for toasts and songs.

Nicknames are unknown in good society.

Don't laugh when a funny thing is being said, until the climax is reached.

Do not go into company smelling of onions or garlic. They are offensive to most people.

Do not eat all on your plate, and do not clean it up with your bread.

When a gentleman goes to a ball without a lady he must place himself at the disposal of the hostess, and dance with any ladies she selects for him.

A lady at a ball should not burden a gentleman with her gloves, fan and bouquet to hold while she dances, unless he is her husband or brother.

Amateur musicians should commit a few pieces to memory. If they carry music along, it has an appearance of conceit, but if they are asked to play or sing, it is ungracious to refuse.

Do not place your arm on the back of a chair occupied by a lady.

Ladies do not pass in or out of the general entrance of a hotel, but by the ladies' entrance only.

Ladies can make each other's acquaintance in the hotel parlor, or at the table. It is optional with them how far its carried.

It is not polite at a wedding to congratulate the bride. She should receive wishes for her future happiness. The bridegroom is the one who is to be congratulated; He is the fortunate one.

When servants at a hotel are disrespectful, lay a complaint before the proprietor. Orders to servants should be given in a pleasant tone, without a shade of familiarity.

It is customary to add the words "Without further notice" to a funeral invitation given through the papers.

Children should not be brought into the drawing-room to see visitors, unless they are asked for.

Blowing soup or pouring tea and coffee into the saucer to cool it, is evidence of a lack of knowledge of the usages of good society.

It is against etiquette for a husband and wife to play cards together, or for two persons to be partners at every game. It supposes a familiarity with each other's methods of play. All games should be played according to the proper rules. Do not propose card playing in the house of another. Fingering the cards as they are dealt out, is a rude act. Wait till they are all distributed before you take up your hand.

A business address should never be seen on a visiting card. A card with a photograph on it is a piece of vulgar conceit.

To look over the shoulder of another is rude. So is the fashion common to some of looking over a newspaper which a neighbor in the street-car is reading.

The only gifts which should pass between ladies and gentlemen who are not relatives are books, flowers, music and confectionery.

Do not allude to a present you have made. Wait to have it acknowledged.

Ladies should never adopt the ungraceful habit of folding their arms, or of placing them akimbo.

To pencil your sentiments in a borrowed book is rude. If you chance to use a foreign phrase, don't translate it. It is equivalent to saying, "You don't know anything."

The man who insults his inferiors or those who are weak is simply a coward.

A gossip is more or less malicious and uncultivated. If nothing worse, she is empty-headed.

When walking with a lady, find out before you start, if she has any preference as to the route.

To write a letter of congratulation on mourning paper is rather inconsistent.

Musk and strong perfumes should not be used. A mere hint of a perfume is enough.

Do not yawn loudly, and stretch the arms as if you were going to engage in a personal contest.

Keep the gloves on during a formal call.

Do not ask about the private affairs of anyone. Or what caused them to leave their home and come to a strange country or city.

It is not customary to offer refreshments to callers.

Boasting of wealth, family or position is exceedingly silly and tiresome to the listeners.

Whispering is impudent, and interrupting a speaker is insulting.

Cultivate a low, clear tone of voice, and an easy manner. Do not gesticulate in conversation.

If strangers are in a room when a caller leaves, a slight bow in passing out, is sufficient recognition.

Do not boast of your church work. "A religion that ever suffices to govern a man will never suffice to save him."

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