Youth's Educator For Home And Society

CHAPTER XXIV.

PARENTS AND CHILDREN.

THERE is no relationship so beautiful, so enduring as that which exists between parents and children. It is the most binding of ties, and yet is often disregarded by the thoughtless and inconsiderate. Parents are far oftener remiss in their duty to their children, than they think. It may seem an unwarranted assertion, but parents whose means are ample, and opportunities large, are sadly neglectful of them in many cases. This does not mean that they starve them, or chastise them cruelly; there are graver wrongs than these, even.

The parent who neglects the early training of a child, who allows it to grow up as a weed, its moral faculties suffered to lie untrained, and its mental capacities left undeveloped, does that child a wrong that no mere care and ample provision for the creature comforts can ever atone for.

Every child has a right to an education. Education does not alone mean the schooling of the intellect. The heart, with its fine affections, the moral nature with its powers of good and evil, must keep equal place with the cultivation of the brain, else the child is mentally one-sided; it is not well-poised, so to speak.

Many parents honestly believe, when they have provided the necessities of life with a liberal hand, and placed no barrier to the indulgence in all proper pleasures, that they have fulfilled their duty, and are entitled to credit.

FILIAL RESPECT.

The first lesson a child should be taught, is filial respect, and a deferent yielding of its own wishes to those of its parents. This does not imply a slavish submission, or a crushing out of individuality. It means that the tie between parent and child should be so strong, and the confidence so great, that there would be no chance for the clashing of will. The child would look up to its parents with respect, and they in turn would consult with the fresh young minds growing into maturity under their tender care, and thus the ideal home would be made an actual possibility – a realization.

A HAVEN OF REST.

Peace should be found in one spot of earth – home; also comfort and appreciation. All that is worth learning in the earliest years, should be taught here. The best principles to guide the future life and conduct are inculcated – here the sweet courtesies of life are shown. The little child knows nothing beyond what its mother teaches; her word is its article of faith – her views the only ones worth accepting. How the heart thrills to hear a child say –"I know it's so, for my mother says so!" What a priceless charge the care and training of children is; how necessary that the home should be made cheerful by love and sympathy, that it may be a shelter and protection in childhood, and a sanctuary to which they can retreat in maturer years.

One thing many homes lack – the sunshine of appreciation. As flowers cannot grow without sunlight, neither can the young thrive without they are treated with consideration, and assistance rendered them.

If a boy likes to "waste" his time in getting up inventions, trying to utilize the commonest things of life, or making models which are destined, he thinks, to astonish the world some day, do not sneer at his crude efforts, and dismiss them with a majestic frown or a shrug of the shoulders! Parents ought to know that these trifles are as precious in a boy's eyes as the most treasured work of art is to the world-famed painter. Out of the mass of faint, half-formed ideas the boys may work something you may be proud to indorse some day.

And the girls – how their eager faces flush with joy as they master some difficult problem or some allotted home task, and hasten to make their triumph known to father and mother! How cruelly some parents ignore or even repulse their efforts. We do not envy the parents who never have a word of praise for their children – who deny a bit of approval or a welcoming smile to their own, although they are generous enough with both to strangers. They do not know what they are doing – they are chilling the warmest feelings of the heart. They are withering the bright blossoms of love and confidence which cannot live without careful nurture.

DARE TO BE TRUE.

It has been well said that "the mother's heart is the children's school-room." Then be yourselves just what you would have your children be. Never stoop to pander with expediency. If a question of right or wrong comes up for decision, meet it squarely. Let your children feel that mother and father are always found on the side of the right, and not policy. Never use coarse or rude language. If the home conversation is pure and elevating, the children will imbibe the same tone of thought, and home will be the fountain-head of all that is ennobling; the spot where pure affection has its birth. The hearthstone must be the shrine of purity, of generous teachings, the repository of the virtues. In its shelter are taught those lessons which make the girls and boys who go from its walls, good women and men, who will leave their impress upon the world.

BANISH UNPLEASANTNESS.

In the home, bickerings and distrust and petty jealousy must be banished. Children who grow up under the baleful dissensions of discordant homes, will learn to doubt the existence of a peaceful home, their faith in goodness will grow weak, and their fondness for the home circle dim. This is not the true idea. It should be a sheltering retreat, where the suspicious world is shut out, and where their dear ones will be fitted for contact with the hard realities of life, and grow and ripen spiritually for the world to come.

MAKE YOUR CHILDREN HONEST.

Teach children honesty in all things. Make them love truth and hate deception. If they commit a fault, do not terrorize them, but reason gently and plainly with them. Instill a moral courage into their minds which makes it unnatural for them to tell a lie, or fear to act up to their convictions. Exact obedience; allow no insubordination. The boy who disregards home government, sneering at its dictates, will become a law-defying man. Obedience to authority and discipline is the foundation of governmental and social order.

WATCH YOUR CONVERSATION.

Parents should watch their own expressions most vigilantly that no vulgar or flippant conversation is indulged in. It is a hard task to train the young in this matter, for they are apt to catch slangy language from the streets, or from other children who are not checked, and unless it is forbidden, such things will taint the purity of the home.

PUNISHING CHILDREN.

There may be instances where corporal punishment may be necessary in restraining certain dispositions. But there must be something lacking in the parent who resorts to it, except as an extreme measure. The child who has been carefully instructed, from earliest childhood, to do right, seldom needs chastisement of this sort. A prominent educator says, on this point:

"Corporal punishment is a moot question, and probably will always remain so, while so much may be said both for and against it. There can be no doubt that it has in many instances been administered unwisely, and often with cruelty. There are children whose nervous system and moral tone never recover from the shock of a caning that is forgotten in an hour by a sturdier urchin. Teachers in general are too selfishly alive to the imputation of partiality to make duo allowance for the difference in organizations, and hence they are prone to inflict corporal punishment in cases where it is unnecessary or injurious. The genial and humane Sir Richard Steele says, 'I am confident that no boy who will not be allured to letters without blows will ever be brought to anything with them;' and he quotes a pertinent observation of Quintilian, that 'if any child be of so disingenuous a nature as not to stand corrected by reproof, he, like the very worst of slaves, will be hardened even against blows themselves.' Dullness can never be corrected by stripes, which therefore are no adequate penalty for failures that proceed from want of capacity. Nevertheless, there are cases where the rod, properly administered, is the only efficacious and therefore the only righteous punishment. Yet to sensitive and refined natures this mode of correction is so objectionable, and frequent resort to it is so degrading both to judge and culprit, that if after one or two trials the rod work no amendment it may safely be abandoned; for if it do no good, it will surely do harm. Parents, who hold supreme control over their own children, may substitute other punishments; and teachers, whose control is limited, may exercise the right of expulsion."

We believe a cause for these whippings lies back of them in the fact that the little ones are given too much notice when quite small. Their pranks are considered "cute" and are repeated in their presence, to every visitor. The child, greedy of praise, is encouraged to play more startling tricks, till they become offensive, and a sound castigation follows. The performance that looked so smart at three isn't so amusing at ten. The child does not realize its changed conditions, and a bitter, rebellious feeling springs up, which is the first step toward that estrangement often met with, between father and son.

And yet there are worse punishments than this. Scolding, finding fault, recrimination are even below the dignity of punishment, yet many who deny the rod do not hesitate to resort to this unworthy and pernicious form of punishment. Nothing will rasp and embitter the soul more deeply than a railing, "nagging" tongue.

DO NOT FEAR TO PRAISE.

Many parents think it will make a child vain, to compliment it. This is a mistake. Children are sensitive, timid, and distrustful of themselves by

nature, and need the stimulus of a little judicious appreciation to bring them out. It is not necessary to overpraise, or lead them to think they are wonderfully smart, for this would make them vain, and even pert. But any parent who takes the trouble to study that fresh, unsullied page – a child's heart – will not fall into this error. Don't be afraid of loving them too much; encourage them when they grow up, and make them feel indeed that "there's no place like home." The world will wound soon enough; and if to this is added coldness and lack of appreciation at home, dreary indeed would life become. Then show the young people of your household that you respect their efforts, and aid them with your riper judgment and they will strive harder to be worthy of the trust you put in them; love will grow stronger, and home will become an "earthly Paradise."

Such homes as these become fond memories which will strengthen the tired soul in its conflict with life. They furnish the models for the young man or young woman when they in turn have a hand in the formation of other homes. From their portals come forth the earnest workers, the great statesmen, the pious divines; and greater still, come the people, upon whose intelligence, patriotism and morality the perpetuity of the state depends,

And as everything good has its rise in religion, so train them that they will love the house of God. Then will they be spared many temptations, and the true spirit of warm and earnest love will glow in their hearts, and shine forth in their daily lives.

PURSUIT IN LIFE.

When children have reached a certain age, they begin to consider what pursuit they shall engage in. It is unwise to bias the mind of the young in this matter. Whatever their natural tastes incline them to, should become their life-work. The majority of parents decide these questions for their children, and dissatisfaction arises, and continually they feel that they are misplaced. Watch the bent of the young minds; converse with them as to their predilections. They will learn any business more readily if they are interested in it. Let this determine you to leave them unfettered in their choice, and they will be far more certain in their pursuit, when it is self-chosen.