Youth's Educator For Home And Society

CHAPTER II.

HOME MANNERS – HOME THE BIRTHPLACE OF GOOD MANNERS.

THE home is the foundation of all good things. The manners that win respect must be taught in the home circle. A child who has pleasant, courteous parents, who seek to inculcate simple maxims of good behavior is fortunate, and starts out in life at an advantage over the one who is not so instructed.

There are many well-bred people who would not for the world transgress a rule of politeness, but who neglect laying down any rules for the guidance of their children, thinking possibly that when they are older, they will naturally acquire that ease of manner which is essential to success in the world. They may possibly do so, particularly if the little folks are of good dispositions, and are imitative. But that does not relieve the parents of their duty in the matter. They owe it to their children and to society, to instruct them how to be gentle, courteous, and above all, self-denying.

How often strangers are shocked and repelled by witnessing the little bickerings going on in the family circle between brothers and sisters. These discourteous expressions must be curbed by continual oversight on the part of parents or guardians, and by firm and wise government.

COURTESY SHOULD BE PRACTICED AT ALL TIMES.

If the elder members of a family practice courtesy toward each other, in the seclusion of the home, the young will catch the same spirit, and it will be far easier for the young man and young woman when their turn comes to enter life's busy arena, to know what is expected of them. They have a capital to begin on, as it were – and that capital is refined manners.

A MOTHER S DUTY.

Many children will acquire bad qualities through the carelessness of those who have them in their care – such as malice, greediness, lack of personal neatness, and rough indifference to the comfort of others. All these faults it is the mother's duty to eradicate. Her first care must be to teach them self-respect; and one of the first evidences of this feeling, is good manners.

All children have an inborn sense of justice, and should never be reproved before strangers for any remissness. A rebellious spirit is aroused, which often breaks out in open defiance or sullen resentment. Children can be trained to reciprocate courtesies, and to behave politely everywhere, without making prim little martinets of them. Teach them to respect each other's rights – to enjoy their merry romp and innocent fun without hurting each other's feelings, or playing upon some weakness. Games and romps should be encouraged at home; but let the stronger children guard the weaker, nor forget that even fun may become rough and wearisome.

GIVE CHILDREN PETS.

A fine plan to draw out the better nature of children is to let them have pets. It teaches them to be gentle and protecting, and makes them self-reliant.

Choose their companions, or rather show them how to select those for intimates who will not lower their moral tone. We do not refer to their social position. Many a poor boy is an innate gentleman. Teach your children so that they will shrink from contact with the coarse and impure, and will not choose their companions for the money their parents possess, but for their true worth and agreeable manners. Children must be taught never to be ashamed of a poor friend, but to blush if they have a loud, rude associate, even though he may be the possessor of wealth untold.

COMMENCE LIFE IN A HOME OF YOUR OWN.

As the home is the school of good manners, the young couple in starting out to build a home, should first secure a home, not a boarding-place. Once established in this home, preserve its affairs inviolate. Do not betray the secrets of your married life to even your most intimate friends. In fact you should have no friends save mutual ones, and those should never be made confidantes of. A man or woman who will speak slightingly of a life-companion, has outraged the first principles of happiness in the marriage relations – respect and politeness, and is not fit to be trusted. No well-bred person will betray the faults or shortcomings of another.

ECONOMY NECESSARY.

In money matters the wife should be economical and careful. Often women incur bills without the husband's knowledge. Such a course is disastrous to a man who is struggling to attain a position in the world. On the other hand, many men make the mistake of concealing their financial condition from a wife. Some don't wish to annoy her with their business worries, while others think their money-matters do not concern her. Both views are wrong. Few women would spend foolishly if they knew their husbands could not afford it, but would take pride in regulating their expenses to keep pace with their husband's income.

A house should be made as cheerful and light as possible, that the husband may look forward with delight to his return at night, after a hard day's work.

A WORD TO THE WIFE.

To the wife we would say,– Be as careful about your dress and appearance after marriage as you were before. You cannot do otherwise without losing some portion of your husband's regard, To dress well in society and to appear careless and even slovenly at home, is equivalent to saying that you care more to makes a favorable impression upon strangers than upon your husband. This course will naturally offend him, and possibly he will cease to show you that politeness which you expect to receive, and thus will be laid the foundation of those careless manners we too often see in the family circle, and which are such bad examples for the young.

TREAT YOUR HUSBAND S GUESTS KINDLY.

Be polite to the guest your husband brings home. If he surprises you with a business acquaintance whom he has invited without notifying you, do not appear disconcerted. Meet him with that graceful courtesy which warms the heart of a stranger, and make no apology for your table. If it is set neatly, and the food is cooked properly, you can make the guest forget the lack of profusion of rich viands by the cordiality of your manner.

HUSBANDS, BE POLITE.

"The husband should be as studiously polite when at home as when in society. In fact, no man can be a true gentleman without being habitually polite and considerate at home. A chivalrous regard for a wife and a deference to her wishes and comfort, is a sure indication of refinement, and will go far toward holding her love and allegiance. His own personal tastes should be cheerfully sacrificed to her happiness. He should take her to social gatherings when he attends himself, and be at all times considerate of those things which will give her pleasure. His evenings should be spent at home and in her society."

"The tongue is a little member, but it should be jealously guarded. Harsh and cutting things should not be said after marriage, any more than before. In cases of difference of opinion, charity and tolerance should be shown, within the family as much as without. Coarse and unrefined conversation can never be indulged in without a loss of respect which involves a loss of influence and power. Fits of temper and hysterics should be controlled and conquered, as they are destructive to the peace of the family. Any deception of one by the other will destroy all faith and render a perfect union impossible."

EXAMPLE OF A FATHER.

A father should never utter an immoral thought or a profane word in the home circle. The respect hi; professes for his wife should check such ill-breeding Children are quick to notice, and' example is more powerful than words. They cannot respect a parent who is coarse and uncouth in his manners, or who uses too much freedom. As a writer has said, in speaking of the careless way in which fathers speak to their children, and the loss of self-respect which it begets:

"One great reason for the absence of this feeling in children is, that parents and grown people do not show to them that respect which they deserve. When you hear a father speaking to his children, calling them 'chap,' 'kids,' or 'young 'uns,' you may be sure there will be a lack of self-respect on the part of the children. Call children by their right names, speak to them in an affectionate way, make them feel that you are counting on them for something, and they will then think something of themselves. Self-respect is one of the necessary conditions of a true womanhood and manhood. It saves children from engaging in the thousand little dishonorable things that defile the character and blast the reputation. The mother having once made her dear ones conscious that they are somebody – the objects of a mother's love and a mother's prayers – it will serve as a shield to them in a thousand temptations."

A GOOD INHERITANCE.

There is no better inheritance to leave children than the memory of kind and gentle-mannered parents, whose influence for good will go with them through life. And there is no better discipline, or one which will better prepare them for the hard battles of life, than to teach them to yield their own wills to others, to remember that they must respect the tastes and wishes of others, and that to make the cares of this life endurable, they should be cheerfully obedient and self-sacrificing.