Youth's Educator For Home And Society

CHAPTER XVI.

LADIES' CALLS.

CALLING is so intimately interwoven in society's laws, that not to know when to call, how to call and on whom to call, would be an unpardonable breach of etiquette, Society exacts of woman minute attention to little formalities which would be excused in a man in this land, where the sterner sex are almost to a unit immersed in business or politics. .Formal calls in the city are intended to serve in lieu of the more genial and lengthy visits which are a part of country life; and are designed to cement the acquaintance with all whom you admit to your circle.

MORNING CALLS.

These do not mean, as the title would imply, calls made in the forenoon, but embrace the hours from 1 to 5 P.M. They are generally of fifteen or twenty minutes' duration. Should another lady call, make your own stay even more brief than this. Conversation should be had on agreeable topics. Inquire first after all the inmates of the home, then passing on to the daily subjects, the last new book, or latest fashion in dress.

SUBJECTS FOR CONVERSATION.

Never canvass an absent acquaintance. or repeat anything which has happened in another house where you have been received as a guest .

ON LEAVING.

When you are ready to go, say so, and rise at once and take leave of your hostess, who may accompany you to the door. If there is a servant, the hostess will most likely ring for her to show you to the door, meanwhile keeping you engaged in conversation until the very moment of your departure.

WHAT NOT TO DO.

Do not declare, the moment you enter, that you cannot stay an instant. You came to make a call. Let it be agreeable and free from fussiness, and do not make your leave-taking a prolonged one. We have seen many people who were going at once, and yet who would compel their hostess to stand for several minutes, while they lengthened their parting into quite a visit, and wore the patience and good-breeding of their entertainer almost threadbare.

KEEPING A MEMORANDUM.

When your list of acquaintances is an extensive one, it is a wise plan to keep a regular visiting book. Any little blank book can be made of use, by ruling off spaces for the names of your friends, calls made and to be made, also leaving room for future engagements.

EVENING CALLS.

Calls in the evening are made from 8 to 9, and should be of an hour's duration. The hostess rises on the entrance of her visitors, and offers them her hand, leading them to a seat. She must have tact and geniality, so as to draw out the best ideas from her visitors. Most women possess this quality, and therein lies their charm.

REMAINING AT WORK.

If you are engaged upon any piece of work when callers come, lay it aside. But when an informal friend or one of long standing enters, sewing, crocheting or fancy work, may be continued, if it does not interfere with friendly conversation.

NOT AT HOME.

That polite fib "Not at home" should be shut out of good society. It is far more honest to send word that one is engaged. A lady need not deny herself to any one, if she will have regular days for receiving. The dress should be very handsome on these days; and the lady who calls should be equally richly attired. Delay in proceeding to the parlor is, rude, unless engaged in some important occupation which cannot be laid aside. If that is the case, send word that you will be at leisure in a few moments and make your appearance promptly at the time specified.

KEEPING ON ONE'S WRAPS.

The outer wraps are retained while making calls, the brief time allowed for remaining making it unnecessary. If a lady is fearful of taking cold by keeping her wraps on, she may ask permission to remove them, and they can be laid on any convenient chair.

CONDUCT WHILE WAITING.

While waiting in the parlor for the lady on whom you call, to appear, the piano must remain untouched, as also the bric-a-brac. Sit quietly in the place the servant has assigned you, and rise when the hostess enters.

CALLING FIRST.

In the country and at watering-places those who were there first call upon the later comers. In England the lady highest in rank, calls first. Here the older lady has the precedence, and she can make the first advances by inviting the younger one to call, or sending her an invitation to some entertainment.

CONGRATULATORY CALLS.

Calls of congratulation upon a young lady after her engagement is announced. All those who have received cards should call upon the parents of the bride as well as upon the young couple themselves. A call made upon a happy mother should not be made within a month after the advent of the little one.

CALLS OF CONDOLENCE.

Calls of this nature are made usually within ten days after a death has occurred, if you are on terms of intimacy with the family, but not for two weeks under other circumstances. But no allusion should be made directly to the sorrow which has come to them. Your silence is the most delicate sympathy you can manifest.

INVITING ANOTHER LADY.

A lady can take the liberty to invite another lady to accompany her in calling. A gentleman never should do so, without first asking permission of those whom he intends calling on.

CALLING ON STRANGERS

When a stranger comes into a town, the residents should call on her. In a city, the immediate neighbors should pay her the compliment of calling, although we regret to say that many ladies neglect this act of hospitality under the pretext that they don't know anything about their standing. This is a flimsy excuse. They should call first, and if the parties are not desirable as acquaintances, it is a very easy matter to drop them.

CALLING ON THE SICK.

When calling on the sick do not ask to be admitted to the sick room. Your card can be sent to the invalid, whose quiet will not thus be intruded upon. If it is proper for you to enter the chamber of the sick person, you will receive an invitation to do so from the friends.

CALLING CARDS.

The style of calling cards changes so frequently that a set form cannot be laid down. But the English and German text. and the fancifully ornamented cards so much affected at one time have yielded the field to a more elegant and chaste fashion which seems to suit the growing taste so well that there is little danger at any very striking changes being made in that direction, at least for a long time to come. A card is but a bit of pasteboard, and would seem to be of no consequence, and yet it is a silent messenger which vouches for the cultivation and familiarity with good usages, of its owner.

QUALITY OF CARD.

The first desideratum in a card is fineness of texture; then size and shape. The lettering must also be selected with care. There should be no glazing upon the card, and the engraving should be done in the finest script. Some ladies write their own cards, but this requires a fine penman.

GENTLEMEN'S CARDS.

The card carried by gentlemen should be rather small. A fac-simile of their autograph is often printed, but this smacks a little of vanity. This is the proper size for a gentleman's card:

If he has a title it should be placed. before his name. It is .said that the Hon. Daniel Webster and also Henry Clay both preferred their names printed upon their cards thus – "Mr. Webster;" "Mr. Clay."

WIDOW'S CARDS.

A widow should not use the initials of her husband upon her cards. She should use the following form,:

"Mrs. Lizzie Stevens."

But during her husband's lifetime her card should read:

"Mrs.,Edward Stevens,"

The object being to prevent confusion should there be other sons in the same family who were married. Husbands and wives no longer use the same cards, but each has a separate visiting card.

PREFIXES.

It is an undeviating rule that young ladies prefix the "Miss" to their names upon their cards, and never use nicknames. The same rule applies to a married lady, who should never omit the prefix "Mrs."

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER'S CARD.

When a mother has a daughter who is just entering society, the card made use of is worded thus;

A young lady can have a card of her own after having been in society a year.

RECEPTION CARDS.

When a lady has certain days set apart on which she receives friends, her card should indicate it by the following form:

CHANGING RESIDENCE.

When a lady removes her residence, she should leave a card with her new address, with those whose turn it is to call upon her. But she can send these cards by mail to all upon whom she called last.

P. P. C. CARDS.

When leaving town for a protracted absence P. P. C. cards are sent, but they are not sent when leaving for a short absence only – as for a trip to the sea-shore, or to the country. The initials P. P. C., stand for the French words Pour prendre conge (meaning to take leave) and are always in the lower right hand corner of the card, and in capitals. It is wrong to use the small letters, p. p. c, The initials P. D. A., (Pour dire adieu) mean the same, but they are not often used. These cards may be sent by mail. Many cards are sent by mail now. In England a card sent through the postoffice is considered equivalent to a visit.

MOURNING CARDS.

Those who are in mourning should have cards with a black border. Cards should be left for people who are in mourning, but only intimate friends should seek admittance.

WHEN CARDS ARE SENT.

A stranger arriving in a city sends cards to his friends that they may call upon him. Business cards should not be made use of in making a call. When attending receptions cards should be left in the hall en entering, so as to help the hostess to remember who has called. In sending fruits, flowers, books, etc., the card of the sender should accompany them. On recovering from an illness, or when the period of mourning is ended, a card should be sent to each one who has called during these times. The following is a good form:

NEW YEAR'S CALLS.

The fashion of calling on New Year's Day fluctuates. One year it is announced that there will be very little calling done, the next year it seems as popular as ever. There is no doubt that the generous hospitality of the glad season has been greatly abused by the boldness of young men who avail themselves of the custom to intrude where they have no claim. And yet it is a beautiful custom, for this is the time when resentments are laid aside, friendships are renewed, and the pages of life are freshened.

"The practice of publishing in the newspapers lists of ladies who will receive calls on New Year's Day, has often been criticised, but in some localities it has the sanction of the best society. It has many commendable features, and is best left to the good taste of those most interested. When a lady receives with a friend, instead of at her own home, cards are sent to her friends, to notify them of the fact, and give them her address. Cards may also be sent out when she has changed her residence or returned from a prolonged absence from home."

CALLING HOURS.

On this day the hours for calling are from 10 A.M. till 11 P.M. But if a lady becomes too fatigued, she can instruct the servant to admit no more callers. "In the villages and small towns, where no special formalities are observed, but gentlemen call on their friends and tender their hearty good wishes for the opening year, the day is often enjoyed far more than in our busy centers of population, where more ceremony becomes necessary."

HINTS.

We cannot close our chapter more pertinently than to quote from a well-known author things not to do when calling: "Never make a long call if the lady is dressed ready to go out. "Never bring your waterproof or umbrella into the drawing-room when making a social call. "Never, if you are a lady, call on a gentleman save on business. "Never make an untidy or careless toilette when visiting a friend. "Never call at the luncheon or dinner hour."

LENGTH OF CALL.

For a formal call, about fifteen minutes is usually considered the proper length of time, one may prolong it to half an hour occasionally, but only under "favorable circumstances," since it is far better to take one's leave before people begin to wish that one would go. Emerson says: "'Tis a defect in our manners, that they have not reached the prescribing a limit to visits. That every well-dressed lady or gentleman should be at liberty to exceed ten minutes in his or her call on serious people shows a civilization still rude."