Youth's Educator For Home And Society

CHAPTER XIV.

TABLE MANNERS.

NO surer gauge of the native refinement of any person can be, found than the manners which they show at the table. It is incumbent upon parents to train their children in those niceties of etiquette which will grow with their growth, and make their progress through life far easier.

Who does not feel compassion for that young person who is, at the very outset of his career, confronted with the dread lest he make an exhibition of his lack of good manners? By commencing to instill simple forms of good-breeding into the child in its earliest years, they become habitual, and their performance a second nature.

CHILDREN SHOULD BE INSTRUCTED.

Children should be early, brought to the table, that they may' benefit by association with those whose manners are fixed. By such association they will acquire an ease and readiness which will serve them well when they in turn become entertainers, in their after life.

POLITENESS TO ALL.

The enjoyment of the family meal is greatly enhanced when each member is polite and attentive to the others; when parents and children alike are cheerful, agreeable and look after each other's comfort.

CHILDREN ALLOWED TO TALK AT TABLE.

The children in a, household should be encouraged to talk, but not permitted to show off, and say smart things. There is a great temptation on the part of fond parents to tell the bright sayings and doings of their offspring to strangers, in their presence; this should never be indulged in, as it not alone makes the little one have an undue idea of its own importance, but it becomes annoying to strangers, who, although they may be very partial to a bright child, do not want to hear its praises sounded continually.

MANNERS OF THE LITTLE ONES.

Children should wait quietly, until their elders are served.. This will be difficult for them no doubt, for nearly all children are gifted with healthy appetites, but if the habit of waiting is enforced, it will become easy to them.

POLITELY.

Require them in asking for an article out of their reach to preface the request with, "Please pass me the salt," and also to call the one whom they address by his name, as "Mr. Willis, will you please pass the salt?" When they are invited to have more of an article, which they do not desire, they should answer politely, "I do not wish any more, thank you." The youngest child can be taught these simple rules.

Precept and the example of their elders will work wonders. It is related of a lady who asked a physician when she should begin to instruct her three-year-old child in manners and morals, that he answered – "Madam, you have lost two years already!"

LOUD TALKING PROHIBITED.

Loud talking on their part should be prohibited, as also interrupting conversation. They should not whisper, however, or glance around the table and giggle. Neither should an older child reprove the wee ones aloud for any breach of good manners, or direct the attention of the mother to it in the presence of others. A look, or low-spoken word will remind the offending one and save it mortification.

WHEN CHILDREN LEAVE THE TABLE.

If children are compelled to leave the table before the rest of the family, so as to reach school, they should rise quietly, ask to be excused and leave the apartment so as not to disturb anyone.

DO NOT LET THEM EAT GREEDILY.

They should not eat greedily, cramming their mouths full, nor smack their lips, tilt their chairs back, or drop their knives carelessly on the table-cloth. The knife and fork should be laid across the plate, with the handles to the right, when the meal is finished.

GROWN PEOPLE AT FAULT.

While children's manners are thus alluded to, we regret to say that they are not the sole violators of good-breeding. To any one who observes much, it is astonishing that so many well-dressed people, who seem to know so much, are so shockingly rude at the table. Such people are sometimes guilty of acts which are revolting. The well-bred will always regard the prejudices of those around them, and try not to offend in any manner.

BEGGING COMPLIMENTS.

Don't solicit compliments for your food, by laying stress upon the care with which it is prepared. If it is good, the guest will not be slow in complimenting you, although this should be done without approaching to flattery. It would be a great shock to one's self-love if some blunt, ill-bred guest should agree with you when you declared that such and such a dish was scarcely worth eating. You were sorry that you had no better to offer. Say nothing about the food you set before your guests; but by its abundance and the welcome you give him, will he measure its value.

REFUSING AN ARTICLE OF FOOD.

If a guest does not care for a certain article on the table, or for some reason does not wish to partake of it, he should not refuse it by stating that "Cheese don't agree with me," or "I can't endure tomatoes," but simply say – "I do not care for any, thank you." We well remember the horror and disgust with which an apparently well-bred lady filled her listeners at the table by declining a certain dish with the assertion that "It took too long to digest, and her doctor had forbidden it."

RUDENESS AT TABLE.

There are many little rudenesses which can be avoided at the table, and which a little thought would instinctively pronounce offensive. Among these are coughing or breathing into your neighbor's face. Fidgeting in your seat, or moving about restlessly; drumming upon the table with your fingers; whispering confidentially with your neighbor; emphasizing your remarks by flourishing your fork, to the risk of your neighbor's eyes; leaning the elbows upon the table; standing up and reaching across the table in place of requesting that what you want be passed you. All these acts of ill-breeding or thoughtlessness we have seen perpetrated by those who should know better.

MANNERS AT TABLE.

Sit upright at the table without bending over or lowering your head to partake of your food. Do not sit either too far away or too near the table. Don't sit with one arm lying on the table, your back half turned to your left-hand neighbor, while you eat with a voracity that is only equaled by those who are much at railroad eating-houses, where "ten minutes for lunch" is the rule.

When oysters are served for the first course, it is proper to commence eating at once.

If you do not like soup, allow it to remain untouched until the servant removes it.

Keep your mouth closed as much as possible while you are masticating your food.

THINGS TO AVOID.

Do not eat onions or garlic before going into company. They may be very healthy, but they are -also very offensive.

Do not talk loudly or boisterously., but be cheerful and companionable, not monopolizing the conversation, but joining in it. Never butter a slice of bread and bite into it like a hungry school-boy, and do not cut the slice into halves or quarters with your knife, but break off a piece, when wanted, and then butter and eat it. Do not break the bread into your soup.

As in serving the courses, each plate, with a knife and fork upon it, is set before you, remove the knife and fork instantly, and lay them beside the plate. To neglect this will force the servants to remove them, and delay' the progress of the dinner.

Do not twirl a goblet, or rattle the knife and fork, or show anything which will look like impatience or eagerness to commence the meal.

Bones and fragments should be deposited on the edge of your plate, so as not to soil the table-cloth. If you by accident spill coffee or tea, do not apologize. It is understood that you did not do it intentionally. The servant should at once spread a clean napkin over the stain.

Never turn tea or coffee into your saucer to cool it. If you wish a second cup, place the spoon in the saucer before passing it to be refilled. Do not stand a dripping cup on the table-cloth. Never blow soup to make it cool.

It is very rude to pick your teeth at the table after a meal is completed.

Napkins are to wipe the mouth with, not to mop the forehead or nose.

Never put your own knife, fork or spoon into a dish from which others are to be helped.

DRESS FOR THE OCCASION.

The table being a meeting place where everything should be nice and conducive to good manners, a gentleman will never appear at it in his shirt sleeves. If it is excessively warm weather, and he wishes to enjoy the freedom of his own home table, he can don a light coat of seersucker, farmer's satin, or similar material; but in public he will always retain the coat which he wears through the day, save of course, on dress occasions, of which we have spoken elsewhere.

A lady should observe the same care in her dress. Untidy hair and dirty nails are especially repellant.

SERVING AT TABLE.

The one who serves at table, should not help too abundantly, or flood food with gravies. Many do not like them; and it is better to allow each guest to help himself. Water is poured at the right of a guest – everything else is passed from the left.

Do not watch the dishes as they are uncovered. Or talk with the mouth full.

If you discover something objectionable in the food do not attract the attention of others to it, but quietly deposit it under the edge of your plate.

DO NOT SOP GRAVY, ETC.

Never sop up your gravy or preserves with bread, And do not scrape your plate so as to obtain the last bit, or drink as though you were dying of thirst. It is quite an art to drink gracefully. Don't throw your head back and raise the glass perpendicularly, but carry the glass to your lips, and by lifting it to a slight angle, you easily drain its contents.

Be careful not to stretch your feet across the room, under the table. It is very disagreeable to be kicked, even accidentally.

In leaving the table, if business or an engagement compels you to, excuse yourself. It is only in hotels or boarding-houses that this is permitted to pass unnoticed.

It is rude to handle the bread or cake which is offered you. Only touch the piece which you intend to eat.

EAT WHAT YOU WISH AT THE TABLE.

Never carry fruit or confectionery away from the table. Eat what you wish while there.

"There is difference of opinion as to who should be first served at table, many insisting that the old fashion of serving the hostess first should be continued; but as this originated in the days when people were in the habit of poisoning guests by the wholesale, as a convenient way of ridding themselves and the world of them, there seems to be no reason why it should be observed now. Then guests preferred that the hostess should show her confidence in the viands set before them, before partaking themselves; but the natural instincts of propriety seem to indicate that the most honored guest, that is, the lady at the right of the host, should be first served."

WHOM A GENTLEMAN SHOULD SERVE.

A gentleman seated by a lady or an elderly person passes the water or whatever may be required by his neighbor at the table.

DO NOT READ AT TABLE.

Never bring a book or paper to the table to read. It is allowable at a hotel or restaurant, where you are not anxious to form promiscuous acquaintances, but among friends, the gaps should be filled in by cheerful and enlivening conversation.

Remove fish bones before eating, but should one get into the mouth, remove it by placing the napkin before the mouth.

Everything that it is possible to cut or break with a fork should be eaten without a knife.

OBJECTING TO WINE.

Should you have scruples about taking wine at the dinner table, it is not necessary to enter into an explanation of them, and thus bring around your unfortunate head a veritable "hornet's nest" of ridicule and argument from unthinking people. Merely decline it, in a quiet and respectful manner. Those whose opinion is worth having, will see nothing singular in the fact that you do not use wine.

Eat slowly, as a measure of health, as well as manners.

MAKE YOUR PLATE PALATABLE-LOOKING.

Do not mix your food on your plate with the knife. It looks as though you set no score by the nice care with which the various articles had been prepared. It were all the same to you, whether it were fish or fowl – it was only made to be devoured, not eaten.

PARING FRUIT.

Never pare fruit for a lady, unless asked to do so, and then hold it upon the fork which belongs to her. Apples should be pared with silver fruit knives, and quartered and each slice carried to the mouth on the point of the knife. Still, there are many well-bred people who only enjoy apples when they can eat them as they did in their childhood's days, without the aid of a knife or fork.

A FEW WORDS ON DINNERS.

We close this chapter with the words of one who has written much upon dinners and the manners current at them. It is well understood that the forms we have given are those observed in larger cities, but they are intended also for smaller circles and towns. The same rules of etiquette prevail everywhere. Common sense will teach what modifications are to be made in some of these customs, so as to best adapt them to the needs of a smaller community. The truth is, that no one should suppose that inability to give elaborate dinners releases him or her from "the obligations of hospitality. Each owes it to society and to himself, for the cultivation of his better nature, to give as many and as good entertainments as is possible, circumstances, and a proper regulation of expenses to income being considered. It is a duty incumbent on each to bear a due share of social burdens; indeed, when given in the true spirit of hospitality and not simply as an irksome payment of a social debt, an entertainment is a pleasure, and not a burden. Too many people do not give parties or dinners, because they cannot afford to give such stylish ones as their neighbors afford, as if good fellowship was a matter of numberless courses or costly viands. There is a wise saying that 'a dinner of herbs where love, is, is better than a stalled ox and hatred therewith," and the simplest dinner, served in friendship, has in it more that softens and refines, than the most stately banquet, with its satiety and dull formalities, if unseasoned by the subtle spirit of friendly interest and feeling. Grand dinners are not always selfish and inhospitable affairs, nor are all simple dinners, given by plain people, served in the true spirit of kindly hospitality. Not all the hearty friendship of the world is monopolized by the poor; the rich and cultured, as well as plainer people, sometimes have warm places in hearts, and give warm welcomes to their friends. There are those, too, in the humbler walks of life, whom the struggle with the world has not taught charity; but there is no more reason why the rich should claim and monopolize all the refinements of the table, than that, as Wesley put it, 'the devil should have all the best tunes.' Rich or poor, it is possible for all to cultivate kindly feelings, and to offer such hospitality as is within their means and fitting in their station."