Youth's Educator For Home And Society

CHAPTER XII

WEDDING CUSTOMS.

AN institution of such antiquity as marriage, and invested with a rich glow, of romance and poesy, will never go out of fashion. Since the wedding of Cana, the ceremonies and customs attending a wedding have been fraught with continual interest. In the face of the contempt with which frivolous and unthinking people have sought to invest marriage, and though would-be wits have aimed their shafts at its holy customs, it will ever hold an honored place in the minds of the true and good, and a work would be pronounced as of no value, that did not have a hero and heroine whose bounden duty it was, to fall in love and wed.

A WEDDING IN A FAMILY.

A. wedding is an important event, in any family. It invests each individual member with dignity, from the paterfamilias down to the wee toddler whose big sister is the heroine of the coming affair. A book on etiquette would be very incomplete which emitted some instructions upon the forms to be observed in the conducting of a wedding, for marriage is a religious as well as a legal rite. These customs have been handed down from generation to generation through the churches, those conservators of so many good things. But even though these forms are in their general outline ever the same, they may be varied to agree with individual tastes and means.

OUTLAY OFTEN TOO GREAT.

Sometimes, in that natural anxiety which parents feel to do their loved ones all honor possible, they exceed their means and incur expenses which they can ill afford. And yet, who would like to censure them, when it is remembered that the great event marks the turning point in the life of a fair young daughter who is so soon to leave the home which has sheltered her all her life. She will now become the mistress of a new home – its guiding star. To a couple 'who look their new duties squarely in the face, with a correct and conscientious idea of them, marriage is a solemn step, which is never taken in a light and unthinking manner. Therefore, it is not strange that parents and friends look forward eagerly to this joyous festive occasion. Every one looks on approvingly, and were but a small portion of the kindly wishes uttered in behalf of the young couple fulfilled, the marriage state would be perpetual sunshine. But clouds will arise – dark days will come. With sincere love at the helm, and an earnest mutual determination to do right, and to live for each other, the newly married pair can smile at any fate.

THE BETROTHAL.

Before the wedding, comes the betrothal. This is a halcyon period, for then two hearts are drawn closer to each other. It is useless to sneer at love. It is not only the universal passion, but it is a holy one.

"He that feels
No love for woman, has no heart for them,
Nor friendship or affection! – he is foe
To all the finer feelings of the soul;
And to sweet Nature's holiest, tenderest ties,
A heartless renegade."

There is no formal announcement of a betrothal, in this country; but in other lands the festivities are very gay. It is usual here, however, for the father of the bride to give a dinner and announce the engagement before rising from the table, when congratulations are in order.

RECEPTIONS IN HONOR OF THE COMING EVENT.

After this has been communicated to the friends, those who are in the habit of entertaining give receptions, dinners or theater parties to the engaged couple.

THE BRIDE NAMES THE DAY.

It is the 'expected bride's prerogative to name the "happy day." Tastes are divided as to the most desirable months. May is shunned by those who are in the- least superstitious, as it is deemed unlucky. The ancient Romans, who were dominated by omens and signs,. regarded it as an unfortunate month, and Ovid said – "That time too, was not auspicious for the marriage torches of the widow or of the virgin. She who married then, did not long remain a wife." Just after Easter seems a favorite season for weddings, and the fall months are also much liked.

THE YOUNG LADY'S CARDS.

Immediately preceding the sending out of the invitations for the marriage, the bride that is to be, leaves her card at the homes of her friends. She leaves them in person, but does not call, unless she makes an exception in favor of an aged or sick person, After this formality has been attended to, and the invitations are distributed, the young lady should not be seen in public.

SENDING OUT INVITATIONS.

If the ceremony is to take place in church, and be followed by a reception, invitations are sent out to friends ten days in advance. It is quite fashionable to be wedded in church, and return to the house to don their traveling costume, and leave for a matrimonial trip.

THE FORM OF INVITATION.

The most commonly accepted form of invitation is worded thus:

MR. AND MRS. THOMAS CLARKE
request your presence,
at the marriage of their daughter
GLADYSS,
to
CHARLES W. ALLEN,
on Tuesday evening, March 11th, at eight o'clock,
Christ Church, Indianapolis.

This invitation includes only the service at the
lurch. Those friends whose presence is desired at
the reception receive a card of this nature, inclosed
with the invitation:
MR. and MRS. THOMAS CLARKE
At home,
Tuesday evening, March 11th,
from half-past eight until eleven o'clock.
62 Elizabeth-St.

A card still more simple is preferred; as – Reception at 62 Elizabeth-St. at half-past eight.

ADMISSION CARDS TO CHURCH.

An admission card to a church strikes one rather disagreeably, and yet where both parties have an extensive acquaintance, they are necessary to prevent over-crowding, and are worded thus:

Christ Church.
Ceremony at eight o'clock.

Invitations should be printed or engraved upon, note-paper of excellent quality, and the envelope must fit the inclosed invitation closely.

MARRYING IN TRAVELING COSTUMES.

Many very fashionable people who dislike the excitement and display of a public wedding, are wed in their traveling costumes, with no one but the family and a few very near friends present. This is always the rule, after a recent death in the family, or some other affliction.

Brides-maids are taken from the relatives or most intimate friends – the sisters of the bride and of the . bridegroom where possible. The bridegroom chooses his groomsmen and ushers from his circle of relatives and friends of his own age, and from the relatives of his fiancee of a suitable age. The brides-maids should be a little younger than the bride. These must be from two to six in number, and they must exercise taste in dress, looking as pretty as possible, being careful however, not to outshine the bride. White is the accepted dress for brides-maids, but they are not limited to this, but can select light and delicate colors, showing care that everything harmonizes. Pink, blue, sea-green, ecru, or lavender, makes a very pretty contrast to the bride, who must always be clothed in white.

THE BRIDES-MAID MUST FULFILL HER ENGAGEMENT.

A brides-maid must never disappoint the bride by a failure to keep her engagement. Only severe sickness or death will excuse her. The bride bestows some present on each brides-maid, while the groom remembers each groomsman in a similar manner.

THE WEDDING-RING.

The wedding-ring is used in the marriage service of nearly all denominations. It is always a plain gold band, rather heavy and solid. A ring with a stone set in it, is preferred' for an engagement ring. The use of a wedding-ring is a very ancient custom. It is probable that it was used by the Swiss Lake dwellers, and other primitive people. In very early times it was used by the Hebrews, who possibly borrowed it from the Egyptians, among whom, as well, as the Greeks and the Romans, the wedding-ring was used. An English book on etiquette, published in 1732, says, the bride may choose on which finger the ring shall be placed, and it says some brides prefer the thumb, others the index finger, others the middle finger, "because it is the largest," and others the fourth finger, because "a vein proceeds from it to the heart." The engagement ring is removed at the altar, usually by the bridegroom, who passes the wedding-ring (which is a plain gold band, with the date and the initials engraved inside) to the clergyman, to be used by him in the ceremony. On the way home from church, or as soon thereafter as convenient, the bridegroom may place the engagement ring again on the bride's finger, to stand guard over its precious fellow. Some husbands who like to observe these pretty little fancies, present their wives of a year's standing, with another ring, either chased or plain, to be worn on the wedding-ring finger, and which is called the keeper. This, too, is supposed to "stand guard" over the wedding-ring.

THE DUTIES OF THE USHERS.

The ushers at a wedding, of whom there are four, have a multitude of duties to perform. They are selected from among the most intimate friends of either groom or bride. One of them is chosen master of ceremonies, and his office is to be early at church, and having a list of the invited guests, he must allot a space for their accommodation by stretching a cord or ribbon (sometimes a circle of natural flowers) across the aisles for a boundary line. He sees that the organist has the musical programme at hand; that the stool on which the bride and groom kneel is in its proper position, and covered with a spotless white cloth. He escorts ladies to seats, and asks the names of those who are unknown to him, that he may by consulting his list, place the relatives and nearest friends of the bride by the altar.

USHERS AT THE HOUSE.

Two of the ushers, as soon as the pair are made one, hasten to the house at which the reception is to be held, to receive the newly wedded and their guests.

CONDUCTING THE GUESTS.

Another duty of the ushers at the house is to conduct the guests to the bride and groom, and present those who may not have been acquainted. They then introduce the guests to the parents. It may be that some members of the two families may never have met some of the others' friends, through living at a distance; so this becomes a necessary formality. In all such cases the gentleman who is the escort of a lady follows her with the usher, and is in turn introduced. The usher attends to every lady who has no escort, and sees at supper that she is well served.

HOW THE USHERS DRESS.

The dress of the ushers must consist of the regulation full evening toilet – white neckties, and delicately tinted gloves. They must also be provided with handsome button-hole bouquets.

PROCEEDING TO THE ALTAR.

In proceeding to the altar, the brides-maids enter the church, each leaning on the arm of a groomsman, while the mother of the bride comes next, on the arm of the groom. The bride enters leaning on her father's arm, or the next male relative who is much her senior in years. They pass to the altar, the brides-maids turning to the left, the groomsmen to the right. The groom places the mother just behind the brides-maids, or seats her in a front pew at the left. The father remains standing where he can give away the bride, who stands at the left of the groom.

LEAVING THE ALTAR.

On leaving the altar, the bridal pair walk first, the bride keeping her veil over her face. The bridesmaids and groomsmen follow next, the father and mother being last.

MARRIED IN A TRAVELING DRESS.

If a bride is married in her traveling dress, she wears a bonnet. The groom is dressed in dark clothes. They do not require brides-maids or groomsmen, but have ushers, while the groom has his "best man," whose place it is to attend to everything necessary.

STARING AT THE BRIDAL PARTY.

The guests should not rush out of church for the purpose of collecting on the sidewalk to get a look at the bride. They should remain quietly in the church until the wedding procession has passed out.

THE RECEPTION.

At the reception following, half of the maids are on the left of the bride and half on the left of the groom. Kissing the bride is fast going out of fashion, in the best circles. It is a dreadful ordeal for a young and timid bride, and should be laid on the shelf with many other ridiculous customs.

DRESS OF THE BRIDE.

The dress of the bride should be devised according to her means – but it is imperative that it is white, and may be muslin, silk or satin. A veil should be worn; one composed of tulle is more dainty in its effect than a lace one. But for a very fleshy bride lace will be best, as tulle has the quality of making one's proportions look larger. The orange blossom has always been adopted for ornamentation, and is very beautiful. But if these cannot be procured, other natural flowers can take their place, If jewelry is worn, it should be something very elegant and chaste. A bride is not expected to dance at her own wedding.

LENGTH OF RECEPTION.

The reception should be of two or three hours' duration. When the time of departure on their wedding journey draws near, the young couple quietly withdraw from the festivities without making any adieus. None but the most intimate friends remain to wish them bon voyage.

EXHIBITING WEDDING GIFTS.

Wedding presents are no longer exhibited on the day of the wedding, ticketed and labeled with the names of their givers", like dry goods in a shop window. There are so many beautiful articles which can be fittingly sent as wedding gifts, that it is almost impossible to particularize. Among them are pictures, albums, bric-a-brac, vases, clocks, mantel ornaments, jewelry, books, and even pieces of furniture. Formerly it was only thought proper to give silverware and jewelry, but common sense has come to the front in these days, and ostentatious display no longer prevails in good society.

THE SECOND MARRIAGE OF A WIDOW.

When a widow remarries, her wedding costume should be of some light-colored silk, and she should omit the veil. Neither should she have brides-maids, but should be attended by her father, brother, or an elderly male relative. She should remove her first wedding-ring, out of deference for the feelings of the groom. The refreshments at a wedding reception consists of salads, oysters, cold chicken, ices and confectionery, served en buffet. Coffee and tea are not generally served. Parents and friends who are in mourning 'should leave off their somber garments at the wedding. Of course they may be resumed after the bride's departure.

THE WEDDING TRIP.

The wedding tour is no longer considered absolutely necessary. Many young couples who are going at once to housekeeping, do not take a trip, but proceed direct from the church to their future home, where the reception is held. In this case, the duties of the head usher are the same as at the reception, save that he is assisted in taking charge of the guests by the mother of the bride.

AVOID SHOW OF AFFECTION BEFORE STRANGERS.

If a tour is made, avoid any silly manifestations of affection in public. Observe a respectful reserve toward each other; thus you will not expose yourselves to ridicule by demonstrations of affection which should be kept far the sacred privacy of home.

USE OF THE MIDDLE NAME.

A bride may after her marriage drop her middle name, and adopt her maiden name in its place, as – Mrs. Nellie Winn Seymour, instead of Mrs. Nellie Maria, Seymour. We think this a ' good fashion, as it helps to a knowledge of the family to which the bride belonged, ere her marriage, and saves confusion. Widows often retain the names of their first husbands, as Mrs, Belle Hopkins Gill.

SENDING WEDDING-CAKE.

Wedding-cake is not sent out as formerly. In lieu of that it is piled up in tasty little boxes on a side-table at the reception, and each guest takes just one box.

WHAT A BRIDEGROOM MAY PAY FOR.

Most bridegrooms would from the fullness of their hearts, pay for everything connected with the coming event, but this would offend the delicacy of the bride and her friends. There is a law of etiquette concerning this, as all other matters. We therefore append a brief summing up of what he may pay for without trespassing upon those customs which have been observed from earliest times, and which fall within the province of the parents of the bride.

THE WEDDING BOUQUET.

He should not fail to send the wedding bouquet to the bride, on the morning of the ceremony. He also should present the bride with some article of jewelry. "All wedding cards should be paid for by the family of the bride, and all other expenses of the wedding, with the following exceptions: The clergyman's fee (this is handed to the clergyman by 'the best man after the ceremony). This may consist of any amount which he thinks proper; but never less than $5.00. The wedding-ring, the bride's bouquet and present, and presents or bouquets to the brides-maids; to the ushers he may give scarf pins. To the latter he can also present canes, sleeve buttons, or any other little remembrance which his ingenuity may suggest. To the brides-maids fans, bangles, lockets, or some other souvenir may be presented. "The groom should on no account pay for the card's, the carriages, nor the entertainment, nor anything connected with the wedding. "The reason for this is, that an engagement may be broken even after the cards are out, and it would then remain for the parents of the bride to either repay the outlay, or stand in the position of being indebted to the discarded son-in-law. "In the event of the engagement being broken, the bride should immediately return all presents. "In addition to other details, the parents of the bride should pay for the cards sent out after marriage. These are generally ordered with the announcement cards."

WEDDING-CARDS.

Fashions in wedding-cards are constantly changing. Any good stationer is provided with the newest and most approved styles. The fantastically ornamented cards of a few years ago, are happily supplanted by plainer and less showy ones. They should be of a fine quality, yet of heavy board, and engraved in script.

NO WEDDING-CARD RECEIVED.

If you do not receive a wedding-card, do not call upon a newly married couple. There is a sort of a tacit understanding that only those receive them whose acquaintance they wish to retain.

HOME WEDDINGS.

Home weddings are much simpler affairs, but they can be made very beautiful. An arch of flowers may be placed in the drawing-room, under which the young couple stand, with the clergyman behind it. The bridal party enters, as in church, and after they have been pronounced man and wife, they turn and face their guests, receiving their congratulations. The recipients of cards inviting them to be present at the church ceremony call or leave cards within a month after the wedding, while those who attended the reception call within ten days, upon the parents.

A PRIVATE WEDDING.

If the wedding has been strictly private the bride's parents send the following card during the absence of the pair upon their bridal tour:

MR, AND MRS. JOHN D. HOWARD announce the marriage of their daughter
LUCIE CLARK
to
JOSEPH FRENCH BRYANT
Thursday, October 30,
1890.

NOTES OF CONGRATULATION.

All who receive such cards send notes of congratulation to the parents, arid also to the bride and groom, when intimate friendship warrants it.

RECEIVING ON THE RETURN FROM THE

BRIDAL TOUR. The newly married pair receive in their new home on their return. The announcements of such affairs accompany the wedding-cards, and merely state the fact thus:

Tuesdays in November.

22 Anderson-St.

If these receptions are to be held in the evening this should be stated also, as –

Tuesday evenings in November.

It is very common for the bride's parents to give the young couple a reception upon their return; this is followed by one given them by the parents of the groom. At these receptions, the bride wears dark silk, as rich and elegant as her means permit, but without any bridal ornaments. If she wishes to, she can wear her wedding-dress at parties or formal dinners, but the veil and flowers are worn no more.

A BRIDE'S OUTFIT.

The bride's outfit should be selected with special reference to the position in life she expects to occupy, and the income of her future husband. Rich and extravagant dressing is in bad taste under any circumstance.