Jem Dodge married old Judy Rouse— Och she was a charming young bride; With turf he then built a brick house, And the front door was on the back side. The roof it was tiled wid straw, The cellar was on the first floor, And the chimney, in order to draw, Was built just outside the door. A beggar was Teddy Malone, His sister was his only brother! He had nothing at all of his own, Except what belonged to his mother. One night Teddy says to the squire, I'm so cold, give me something to eat, I'm so dry, let me set by the fire, And so hungry, I must warm my feet. "Och! honey," one day says Pat Tigg, For he was a scandalous glutton, "Tomorrow I'll kill my fat pig, For I'm sure he'll make ilegant mutton." So then he goes into the hovel, And hangs the pig up by the heel, So nate cut his throat with a shovel, Saying this is the way to dress veal! One day Paddy Mulligan swore He had scalted his mother to a blister, While at dinner the morning before— "And what was it wid!" asked his sister. Says Paddy, "just thry for to guess!" "Och, I can't"("then I'll tell you my swate O, 'Twas nothing at all more or less, than straw roasted frozen potato."

Marriage is like a flaring candle light Placed in a window of a summer night, Attracting all the insects of the air To come and singe their pretty winglets there— Those that are out, butt heads against the pane, And those within, butt to get out again.

"What has Alcohol done to me?" I answer— It through my shoes has forced my toes; And made my friends my bitter foes; And on my head rained showers of blows; To cents reduced my old half-Joes; And caused my wife her heaviest woes; With hogs in gutters made me doze— Tripped up my heels on Winter's snows, And kept me there until I froze; So poor and ragged made my clothes, That I'm just fit to scare the crows; And brought my days to near their close; With many ills(the devil knows, These ills my whole appearance shows— If you should doubt it, view my nose.